i always kinda wondered. i love my friends, i am beyond thankful to have them in my life. we have a big group, have known most of them since i was a kid. naturally we have had drama and i have unfortunately heard everyone talk about others but never knew what they said about me.
my friend was super drunk and just told me how much he loved me and that they don’t care what they say about me. i asked what they said and he said that they say i’m a bitch.
this really hurt my feelings, ive been losing sleep and i feel very uncomfortable now. but i kinda took a step back and realized someone is always going to have something to say about you.
i have never, so i thought, been mean to anyone or done anything behind someone’s back. i don’t like to talk shit, not involved in drama, never gotten with a boy they like, stuff like that. i am now going to always think of what i say before i speak. it’s just heartbreaking
i’ve also been through a lot of trauma. i am very shy, quiet and reserved. i have an issue trusting others and i think it effects building my relationships to their fullest extent. my issue of trust more so stems from knowing people don’t keep secrets, because i hear them talk.
7 comments
I completely get it. I’m the same way. I’m really sorry this happened to you. In time, it will sting less and you will realize they have their flaws too. Just do your best everyday to be your best self and don’t worry too much about the gossip. Your sister needs to watch her mouth when drunk though. She’s gonna get herself in trouble with her friends.
I would just let it go. There’s worse things to be called and being quiet sometimes is interpreted as bitchy. It’s a burden we bear.
Quit being a bitch then
Nothing wrong with being a bitch😏
Hey that’s just their interpretation. It is shitty and probably mostly incorrect. But they wouldn’t be hanging out with you if that was truly the first and foremost thing to say about you. If that’s truly what they think then you all need new friends. Sorry that happened. I’m the same way you are, I get it. It’s frustrating when the way people perceive you doesn’t align perfectly with your intentions.
>i am very shy, quiet and reserved. i have an issue trusting others and i think it effects building my relationships
This is likely where the ‘bitch’ characterization comes from. Often times, reserved and quiet can be mistaken for ‘removed’ or ‘snobby’ or ‘stuck up.’ The fact that you’ve known them for years and still don’t trust them might lead them to wonder if you think you are better than them.
I’m not saying any of that is true but that is often the perceptions of someone who is reserved and keeps to themselves.
Well, I’m an insufferable know it all, but my friends keep me around. They are, respectively, a flake, a bitch (whiny), a bitch (bossy), a mooch, codependent, a catastrophizer…
Anyway, we’ve all got judgy opinions about our friends, but we like our friends.
Ok, so maybe the judgy opinions aren’t as common as that, but… I tend to like people more the more dimension they have. So I enjoy ‘unsavory’ qualities in my friends.
Dunno if that helped, at all
Yo that’s like…my bio. Actually. That’s the whole bio.
Not dismissing your feelings or making fun, I’m actually sorry, that must be really shocking to find out like that.
Idk I used to be really concerned about people liking me and being kind and whatever, but I reached this crazy point where I don’t care anymore.
I used to be a really legitimately kind, soft person and life kind of took that out of me.
People projected their issues on to me so often, and they perceived my intentions as bad when they truly weren’t; or they couldn’t handle me being honest instead of fake with them, and they took it as a bad thing.
Or they saw that I was really kind and good and they walked all over me and used me, taking advantage of that really easy sweet natured character that I used to have.
So I lost it eventually, because it wasn’t doing me any good.
I just realized it wasn’t worth the price to be over concerned with people who were like that liking me.
With my legit friends, the people who are down with who I really am, they can straight up be like “you’re acting like a bitch” and I’m like “oh damn sorry, I’ll tone it down”.
So really it’s dumb that your ‘friends’ wouldn’t have the guts to say what they really think to your face, and would be talking all cowardly behind your back about it.
I think that’s maybe what hurts the most.
Real friends should be able to say whatever they actually feel and talk openly and honestly.
And if you said or did something they weren’t thrilled about they should talk about it with you, instead of just running their mouth about you when you can’t even defend yourself.