Me (20f) and my boyfriend (21) have been together for a few years now. We’re both in college and we first got together I was used to having lots of attention from guys, and while I have extremely low self esteem at the moment I can admit that I’m objectively attractive and the attention i was getting definitely validated that. me and my boyfriend were friends at first, so I knew who he had crushes on and looking back once we were together I realized I wasn’t his type at all, and that the things he would look for in other girls were things I didn’t have. When it comes to him though he’s exactly my type and I wouldn’t change anything.
This combined with the fact that I wasn’t his first choice despite meeting me at the start of college really ate away at my high self confidence level to the point where i can’t look at myself in the mirror now without finding flaws and finding myself ugly because I don’t have the specific features he clearly prefers. He’s never said anything but I know he has a strong preference in women and I don’t fit it.
Even with sex, early on in the relationship I would always be the one to initiate it and I always felt it was because he isn’t really into my body type. I even got so obsessive that I looked up instagram models that I thought fit his preferred body type and sure enough, I scrolled back a few years and he had liked all of their posts. Not one of them had my body type at all. To top it off today we were talking about celebrity crushes and all of his were thicc type girls and his main crush was a girl whose only scenes in the movie she’s in are showing off her curves/ass. It’s almost like all he looks for in girls is that they have a fat ass, and I’m just not built that way. I should add that I’m skinny with big boobs, a body type I know lots of people are into and I used to love my body and feel blessed , now I feel disgusting because I don’t have what he wants.
It sucks because our relationship is perfect otherwise and I just happened to fall in love with a guy who likes the opposite body type of mine and it has completely destroyed my self esteem. I’m obsessively working out and forcing myself to eat until I get sick and he has no idea I feel this way at all. I really love him but I feel like I can’t regain my confidence or even like myself unless I break up with him and stay single or find someone who at least appreciates my body or doesn’t prefer the complete opposite. Talking to him about this would completely humiliate me so should I just throw this all away and break up with him? Any advice is appreciated.
tldr: my boyfriend prefers the opposite body type of mine and now I have crippling self hatred
2 comments
When you picture your ideal man, if you could build him from scratch… is he gonna look exactly like your boyfriend? And if the answer is no, does that make you like him less
Has it ever occurred to you that even though your bf has a “type”, the fact that he took time to get to know you as friends that the complete package of you is what he actually is attracted to?
You’re putting way too much emphasis on the physical and not giving the emotional enough credit.
It’s great that you think you’re an attractive person, but do you realize what a nice person you are also?