I was on a dating app. Usually im a bit chatty if I have good energy that day. I was asking this guy about his interests and he was giving someone short answers. When he asked me something I talked a little bit about what im up to. He didn’t respond for a couple days until he just said “interesting” and nothing else. I wrote back a little more just to keep it going and said after “but we don’t need to talk about that more”
It’s tempting in sure to read into it so far as if I was overly interested. I’m not. I’m quite sure he’s not interested. But I was just making pretty laid back conversation and not pursuing him at all.
His response was that in lacking social skills. I thought this is such an ironically hostile thing to say. Wtf? I’d rather just be ghosted. It catches me off guard because I really do have bad social skills generally but idk, I think i was being pretty normal.
It upsets me because I’m self conscious about it and the last thing I want or expected was for it to be pointed out so bluntly.
Now I feel like I have to spend time figuring out how such a short exchange can make someone see me that way. I’m not really inclined to think he’s the weirdo. I’ve always been a bit “behind” socially. :/
28 comments
The dude is projecting, don’t worry about what he said. Often times if someone is talking about you it is of their self-image of you, not actually you, so for our own wellbeing it’s best to not take it personal.
No, no, no. This is about him not you. You might ‘be behind socially’ but that doesn’t mean it’s *always* you. In this case it sounds like he’s not a nice person.
Him saying that was way worse than anything you could have said in regards to having social skills. I wouldn’t even trip over this.
Lol. So he and you both agree with his observation, but somehow it’s a bad thing that he gets you?
He’s right. If what you already thought prior about yourself was something you lacked, he just confirmed it. Constructive criticism comes in many forms. Sometimes subtle, other times times DIRECT
Sounds like he’s a prick up his own arse
Kinda funny that people will come on the forum and complain about being “ghosted” (and I DO get it, that never feels good!), but at the same time they want to know WHY they were ghosted. And yours is the opposite. I guess to each their own, right?
Anyway, since this guy is basically anonymous it’s really not horribly hurtful — it’s some stranger’s off-the-cuff opinion. Also I think it’s VALUABLE. Your interaction was fairly brief, yet he felt strongly that something about the way you communicated was ‘socially off.’
Why not take a look at the whole exchange and figure out what it was? Was it going on at length about a topic he wasn’t interested in? There’s obviously nothing wrong with mentioning your interests and preferences. But it can be off-putting to go into a monologue about them if the other person isn’t responding much.
Why not use this moment as part of your Journey of Self Improvement? His opinion isn’t ‘important’ in the grand scheme of your life, but it’s a great data point that you can use to your benefit.
3 words.. FUCK THAT GUY
Without more info, I’d call this a clash in communication styles. You were expecting to get ghosted if he wasn’t interested, but it sounds like he may have considered it rude to just ignore someone like that. So he gave out the low effort response that signals “not interested”, but you just didn’t catch the signal. So he tried again, stronger. It was a bit rude on his part to be so blunt, but it sounds like he might be a bit behind socially too. Maybe you caught that and saw someone you might have hit it off with, which is why you were still trying to keep the conversation going?
I honestly wouldn’t read too much into it. Maybe keep a bit of an eye out for when someones just going “Uh huh. Uh huh.” with more words? But that’s about all I’d take from the exchange.
Don’t catch the bait. That person isn’t worth the time.
Never take feedback from someone you’ve chatted with online for just a bit. They don’t know you. Anything they say is more about them than you. And tbh, this feels like negging. Like if he can make you think you’re socially lacking but he’s fine with it, then you have no choice but to see him as your best option. Normal people would just ghost or say “thanks but I’m not interested!” And unmatch.
Well if you ever want to feel good about your social skills feel free to help me practice mine lol….
Dude he’s the socially inept one not you. He matches with you and you’re trying to get to know him and he just insults you. Move on – you can do better than assholes like him
I just watched a video about not clinging ourselves to other people’s opinions. You have the control and power to not let what he said effect you. I know easier said than done and I know if someone said this to me I would feel a bit hurt by it too. I would argue that he is the one “behind” socially because he said this.
he’s an asshole trying to make you insecure. met tons of them. maybe he saw you make an effort even when half decent that sometimes feels like an invitation to some people to try and make you feel less than them don’t fall for it it’s a stupid trick
Oh, he’s the weirdo, he’s the one lacking in social skills. Not you. Could you slow down a bit? Perhaps. Are one word responses and the like good social skills? Usually not. Not when trying to get to know someone, which is what a dating app is for.
You might have missed the queue that he wasn’t interested from his short responses but he didn’t have to be a dick about it, this is more of a problem with him than you.
Sounds like good old PROJECTION from him
Lol how the fuck can someone’s texting style determine their social skills and personality?? I’m a guy and I’ve met girls who heavily judge you by how you text and I think it’s absolutely absurd. Don’t let jerk offs like him bring you down.
This is negging. It means he likes you but wants to cut you down a bit to humble you. This dude is bad news
Being called out for “lacking social skills” when the dude was giving short, dry responses…? I think it’s obvious who was actually the socially inept one here. Anyone who only texts back “interesting” after literally days to whatever is certainly a chore to talk to in real life, and are actually the socially clueless ones. I would take that insult with a grain of salt.
Granted, I wasn’t there to see the texts, but I can’t fathom you being more of a burden to talk to than that guy. He’s sounds like the type who relies on others to carry the whole conversation for them
He was talking about himself 😂
Or…he’s doing that stupid thing where he insults you because he wants you to do exactly this. Keep thinking about him. Don’t let him rent space in your head. He’s negging. Block him and be done.
Seems like you dodged a bullet. Guy’s a psycho.
Better than people thinking you’re on drugs 😢
Youre being normal. the guy is just an asshole.
Never take things personal. You know when you do something wrong, but you had a good intention, you judge yourself by that? Do that with others. I did that too on someone who was hitting on me, he took it well but later I found myself a bitch for saying that. I just tried to help him with flirting.
I mean you were lacking social skills.. idk y everyone is disagreeing here. You kept trying to pursue a conversation with someone uninterested in maintaining it. That’s a lack of social awareness. Generally when someone responds with one word answers you just stop engaging. Especially on a dating app.