So I’m going to kind of summarize this as I can go in all day about this but basically this is the story.
TLDR: My mom is an alcoholic who got papers served for divorce and is not taking it lightly, deflecting like he; what should I do?
So my mom is an alcoholic, been an alcoholic my whole life and I’m in my late 20s. With that alcoholism, my sister, dad and I feel likes we grew up in a dysfunctional family due to her alcoholism. She never tried to get sober, well she’s been to AA a couple of times.
Anyway, so with her being an alcoholic she turns into an angry ugly person fast and my sister and I could barely deal with, my dad definitely didn’t want to deal with it, especially working 12 hour days and have her yell the second he gets home. Of course there is more to this but I’m trying to keep it short.
Anyway so a few weeks ago we had to borrow mom’s car because my sisters car got messed up and it could have ended up way worse then what happened. So it took a bit to convince mom that my sister needed the car for literally one day ,as in she would get fired and we didn’t necessarily have money for Uber. We finally get the car and return it the next day. We’ll that night mom called me trying to say my sister messed itt up and I was really angry that mom was trying to blame my sister because my sister did not mess her car up at all, it was completely fine.
So here’s where this comes in, mom calls me saying all that nonsense and I was trying to get her to show me the dash because she said she saw warning lights, she couldn’t figure out what I meant and just gave up. Well apparently shortly after I hung up she put the car in drive and accidentally bumped into my dad’s new car that he waited for 8 months to get; he only had the car for 2 days.
So dad calls the cops and can you believe this? She was drunk but didn’t get a DUI because her car never left the driveway. The cops come and talk to mom and dad, and one cop pulled dad aside and just told him “yeah its probably the best if you guys just split”.
Regardless what the cop said, this divorce was a long time coming and dad just had it, it was the last straw for him and he filed for divorce.
So he filed divorce papers and mom’s not taking it lightly she’s angry
Now the thing is, is that she’s totally deflecting and can’t take any personal responsibility, she tried to blame the divorce on me as I was on the phone with her before all that went down that night. Now in hindsight I should have just hung up and not deal with her, and that probably would be the best, but let me be clear no one else is blaming me for it, not even the cops because she was the one behind the wheel not me.
She’s blaming dad and us for everything while she is trying to say she did nothing wrong all of these years, hell she even wanted a divorce 15 years ago and I’ll never forget what she said. She said if that they ever get divorced while I WAS ONLY 12, that me and my sister are coming with her; no way in I would have ever gone with mom, I just can’t deal with her nonsense.
Now I love my mom and I’m in complete agreement when people say you only have one mom and dad and to make the best of it, but I do not like her as a person.
The question is I have no idea what to tell mom, I don’t want to cut contact with her, but if she’s going to never change her ways, I don’t see any other way of dealing with her.
What would you guys do in this position?
4 comments
Genuine question, no judgement. Do you think your mother has the willingness and the ability to get sober? To be a better person? Do you have any reason to think that her behaviour will change?
Go to r/alanon. It’s for friends and family of alcoholics. They might have good insight for you.
You aren’t dealing with a mom. You’re dealing with a sickness and alcohol. You can’t reason or have a healthy relationship with them. Right now your mom is gone. There isn’t a mom anymore only a alcoholic. Like others have said alanon is a great resource. Cutting contact may be the only healthy choice for you. If she’s going to get help, she has to want it. Right now she’d rather have the alcohol rather then a relationship with you or anyone else. Best of luck OP.
Source: Grown child of a alcoholic who cut her “dad” out.
My vote is cut contact. I cut the old man off years ago and don’t miss him a lick, and your mom is way more in your face than he was. Let her boil in the consequences of her actions, then maybe she’ll wake up.