I(23F) spend 5days out of the week at my BF(24M) place. We are both working and studying and our brains are fried most days. We watch TV or go out for dinner like once a week, but mostly spend time either discussing HW because we are majoring in the same thing or making cool plans for when we have more free time to travel. Plans we do end up realising btw.

Sometimes we go out with friends, especially on the days we are not together. We never really ‘inform’ each other. One of us might send a text ‘I’m out, will call in 2-3h’ but that’s it. I really don’t need to know, I trust him.

Well, as luck would have it (we live in a city with over 2M population), I ran in my BF at a bar. I was out with one of my girl friends and he was out with his best friend. We laughed and just sat a little off from each other so we do not have to keep shooting awkward glances around. A month later, it happened again. I wasn’t even ‘out out’, my sister and I were picking an order at a famous burger place and my BF was there with another friend. Big deal, I don’t see the issue.

I told some of my friends because I thought it was mildly amusing but they all said this was dysfunctional and kinda wrong. My BF and I have been together for 2 years, own a dog together, my friends found it freakish that we run into each other randomly.

I asked my BF what he thought and he said his friend said the same thing. Now it got me thinking, should we start texting each other what we are up to? Idk, I honestly suck at things like these. Any advice welcome.

Edit: no one is intentionally running into the other, honest coincidences. There are a few more which might be why people freak.

We have 5 days we stay side by side working, then two days when I go home and maybe go out as well as I am busy during the week. We only tell each other after the fact, you know share and stuff.

People seem to be really freaked how we just don’t check in with one another.

One day someone asked my BF where I was, he said if he had to guess I was home. I wasn’t, I was at a bar. Or someone was asking for board game night, called me I agreed, then called my BF later and he asked if I can join. Ensue confusion because I already agreed and he didn’t know.

I hope this makes sense.

27 comments

  1. No, it just means you like the same things, don’t overthink it or let your friends make it into something icky.

  2. I truly have no idea what your friends are even talking about. It’s a weird coincidence, nothing more.

  4. What are your friends even on about? Sounds like they have some issues that they would need to know where their partner is 24/7

  5. Please don’t listen to them. If both of you agree with the communication you have then there is absolutely no problem.

  6. I really don’t see what the issue is here. If you are of similar age with similar interests, obviously you will end up in same venues more often than not?

    Are your friends – and his – suggesting that you are intentionally manipulating things so you end up checking on each other when put separately? Cos that’s really a reach.

  8. Wait, do you two always run into each other or does it seem like he runs into you? Are you completely sure he’s not keeping tabs on you somehow?

    Honestly though, while it’s not any of your friend’s business, it’s not a bad idea to keep each other a little more up to date about your activities. From a safety standpoint. As long as it doesn’t involve stalking eachother.

  9. So once a month you run into someone who has similar interests and lives near you? That’s completely normal. I also run into coworkers and neighbors when out and about in town.

  12. Are your friends getting the impression that he’s following you? If there have been other incidents that show a controlling nature, they may genuinely be concerned.

  14. I think it’s cute you keep bumping into each other even when you’re not trying to be around each other. I also think it’s great you don’t need to have a stronghold on each other and need to know every last details of each others lives when you’re not next to each other. When he’s not at work or with me, I seldom know what my boyfriends up to and I don’t really need to know. Sometimes we’ll be texting while one of us is out and we won’t even know the other one is out. As long as you trust each other, who cares. Your relationship doesn’t need to run like everyone else’s

  16. your friends are trying to destabilize your relationship for some fucking reason. if it works for you 2 they need to learn to keep their comments to themselves. are they maybe single and or unhappy in their current relationships? not sure if you’ve heard the term “crabs in a bucket” but it sounds like they’re trying to drag you down towards misery with them.

  18. I think its adorable and sweet and funny. My husband and I don’t check in with where we are going if we are out with friends or family. If I go out for the day with my daughter I just go.

  20. Sounds like my city, weirdly running into people you know in strange locations that feel so obscure.

  21. I support y’all. It doesn’t seem weird to me. Don’t let friends make it seem weird

  22. I really don’t see the issue here. Your friends are being weird. Your relationship is fine in fact I’m freaking jealous lol. This sounds really cute

  24. This sounds very healthy actually. That you two can live together for most of the week and still maintain your individuality and individual lives!! You guys have crushed codependency, you should be very proud! It shows your trust in each other to not have to monitor each other 24/7. Maybe it’s different than what other people know, but if it’s working for you guys why worry 🙂

  25. I think it just means you and your bf are “synced” in a way. It’s cute and seems to me like the universe is just like… Even when apart… You will be together. I think it’s cute.

  26. Don’t let other people get inside your head. You and your BF are connected and in tune with each other. Embrace it and celebrate it.

  27. It just sounds like you and your bf have a mutually respectful relationship with trust – most people get freaked out by this as it’s not the “norm” – I love this post!

    My gf and I have been together for almost 5 years and it’s the same. We do things together, and sometimes she goes out with her friends to do shit I don’t really care for.

    Keep doing what’s working for your relationship! 🙂

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