I need some advice. I’ve been with my BF for almost 3 years and we live together. About 4-6 months into our relationship, I found an 3 diff ex girlfriend so his, nude pics on his phone in the hidden album. I also found the same pics in his gmail. I confronted him about it then. He made a fuss but he deleted the pics then. Fast forward to today, I was on our iPad and his G-Mail search history was up. (We share the iPad) I saw a search prompt “vault” and clicked on it which brought me to emails with the same nude pics I had asked him to dispose of 1.5 years ago. I noticed he looks at these once every 2 weeks at diff hours of the day, based on the time stamp. There are time stamps for 1AM which leads me to believe he may be looking at these while im sleeping in bed next to him. I am so angry that he has lied but ultimately cannot say anything bc of the way I found the pics – I went through his email. He hasn’t lied to me about anything and I’ve never had any suspicion of him cheating on. Im just not sure what to do or how to feel. Any advice would really help. Thank you.
TL;DR found out my Bf still has ex gf nude pics. Told me 1.5 years ago he deleted them after I found them the first time.
5 comments
Dump him. Clearly he has no intention to stop looking at these photos. And make sure you delete any nudes he has of you…yikes.
He keeps his ex-girlfriend’s nudes in a folder called the “vault”? Terrible security. You clicked some random thing on his gmail and found a bunch of nudes which he claimed to have deleted — This is in no way on you, at this point, and if he tries to get at you for disrespecting his privacy, he’s deflecting. I don’t really know what you can do after you bring it up, I mean, it was pretty disrespectful of him to lie about deleting the pictures and then continue to look at hem regularly. He’d have to do something pretty significant to reestablish trust at this point. If you think you see a path past this, and you feel like you can still trust him with everything else, try to find out why he didn’t do what you asked when you first found out about the pictures. If you don’t see a way to get past this situation, that’s also fine, because it could be a deal breaker for many people.
Why are you surprised that he’s done this again? You should have dumped him the first time.
First “how to feel”. Due to some unexplained INSECURITY, you are jealous of and feel THREATENED by those photos so you first need to examine WHY you are so insecure & jealous and then fix that. I’d google: self worth, self respect, self confidence and INSECURITY or JEALOUSY & get to work fixing your INSECURITY problems, ASAP.
Once fixed, you can move on to the matter of his DISHONESTY & CHEATING. With high, powerful self respect & confidence, you can tell him how his CHEATING hurts your feelings and you will not tolerate LYING & CHEATING from him or anyone because it’s DISRESPECTFUL & OFFENSIVE. Give him an ultimatum: stop the offensive cheating and LYING or you are out the door!!!! When he sees that you mean it and are no longer a frightened, insecure, jealous little woman, he just may DO WHAT’S RIGHT and then behave better. It’s all about your own dignity, confidence and RIGHT not to be disrespected by his lying & cheating. When insecurity vanishes, you are left with HONOR & GRACE which makes you very strong in a shaky, disrespectful relationship.
good luck fixing your insecurities…….
>I am so angry that he has lied but ultimately cannot say anything bc of the way I found the pics – I went through his email.
This is not true. You should have a conversation with him about the pics. “I came across these because I did something bad…but here we are.”