So my boyfriend and I met at work. We’ve been dating for almost a year. Recently for the last few weeks I haven’t been liking spending time with him, and every time we have plans I find a way to get out of them, I always dread them when the day starts getting closer. We work in customer service, and everyday at work we are always put together, I work next to him all day and I can’t stand being next to him all day anymore. Ive tried to limit our time together and set a bit more boundaries cause I kept thinking that maybe I just need some time apart, and I need my own space. But he just won’t do it, and I feel bad.
He doesn’t really have anybody but me in his life, He only has some online friends, and some colleagues at work. He lives alone, and he’s depressed. All I ever hear is him complaining, and not doing anything to feel better, and I understand cause I’ve been there, I still kinda am, but I’m trying to make the most of it and don’t really understand how he isn’t. All my energy feels like its being sucked out of me just hanging out with him. Ive tried to encourage him to do some hobbies or anything else to get some type of routine but he just refuses. I also can’t really spend a lot of time with him cause I have some other responsibilities outside of work.
I try to get him to talk to other people at work, but he straight up refuses. And then complains how nobody ever talks to him and how they only ever talk to me. There are people at work who aren’t bad people and are nice and talk to him, but all he ever does is ignore them when they care about him too. As in they try to be friends but he just does nothing anything and starts to complain that no one wants to be friends with him. When I’m not able to talk to him he gets so mad and will walk off or hit walls and basically make himself unapproachable.
Anytime I have anything come up outside of work he always tends to guilt trip me. he says things like “Oh so you’re just gonna leave me?” “go ahead just leave me again” or “ill just be here, waiting” and I feel the need to apologize but know I shouldn’t have to, especially when its things like my moms birthday, or plans I made with a friend in something he has no interests in and makes fun of me for.
This sounds dumb because I know I need to break up with him, but I still care about him and don’t want him to get really depressed afterwards. I know he’s not in a good place to find a new job or to quit and neither am i. I also know that I can’t continue to be with him anymore if he’s gonna try to continue to manipulate me or let it get worse in the future. So how can I break up with him and not ruin the relationship with him or worsen the relationships with everyone else at work?
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(TLDR: I am so unhappy in this relationship now and can’t handle it and fear it’ll get toxic the longer I stay with him and how everything will change at work afterwards.)
(also im so sorry I’ve never written on here so I’m sorry that everything is all over the place im writing thing on almost no sleep)
2 comments
replying to your tl;dr – tell him you are unhappy and exhausted, and you can no longer see this relationship working out.
>I know I need to break up with him, but I still care about him and don’t want him to get really depressed afterwards.
What he does afterwards is not your concern or your problem.
> So how can I break up with him and not ruin the relationship with him or worsen the relationships with everyone else at work?
No, see, that’s not how life works. There is no way to break up with someone like this and not ruin “the relationship”. You’re not going to be friends afterwards. That’s just not going to happen.
You shouldn’t *not* break up with him because of anything that might happen after. Break up with him because you are unhappy in this relationship, and do it now. Waiting is just making this worse.