She seems to think that because we’re both white, she can say racist things usually about asians to me and i’ll agree, which i obviously never have because i’m not a snot waffle. I usually just look at her disappointedly because i don’t know what to say but i should figure something out.
She’s otherwise a fairly decent person so it always catches me off guard when she starts imitating our coworkers accents or saying how we should only hire Thai people, and because i’m not expecting it i never have a good response other than to just kind of stare at her and wait for her to stop.
There’s got to be a better method that actually makes her think about what she’s saying before she says it, because it’s only a matter of time before she starts being shitty directly to our coworkers
4 comments
Just tell her in a calm direct voice not to do that, or ask why she does and tell her not to and why.
a range of possible scripts, with varying tones:
– I really thought better of you than to say something like this
– I don’t know why you think I’d be comfortable hearing this
– you’re normally so [kind/considered/whatever positive attribute you want her to aim towards] and it really catches me offguard and makes me reconsider who you are when you make comments like this
– this is racist, you need to look at yourself
– alright, captain racist, tone it the fuck down
– what is wrong with you? [and then for maximum impact do not speak until she answers, make it very clear this is not a rhetorical question]
– I don’t understand, why do you say that? [she will either back off or double down, in which case move on to:] are you really saying all x people are y? that hasn’t been my experience at all, why do you think that? [and then loop around and keep going until she backs off]
I wish I did not have enough experience to tell you that I have used all of these, and that all of them work some of the time and none of them work all of the time.
“Did you MEAN that how it SOUNDED?”
Problem is you needed to say that the first time she tossed off a racist comment. So now you need to low-key it along the lines of, “I decided I’m not comfortable with racist comments, so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop.”
Maybe to every racist thing she says you could just go, “really?”