I had a great first date with a guy from tinder. We went on another date yesterday, it was great. I went back to his place and we had oral sex. I didn’t climax, but was getting tired so told him “okay that’s enough”; still it felt really goo,
This morning we cuddled, fore-played and I gave him a bj (my first one). He told me he was cumming in like under a minute of me doing it, and I was like oh wow that’s quick. I asked if he wanted me to swallow and he said yes. I kissed him after, it was awkward. The rest of the morning/afternoon he was ice cold towards me. I asked if I did anything wrong and he said he was just tired. Maybe I overstayed my welcome? I don’t know what happened.
I did want a relationship with him but I guess that’s over now.
27 comments
and I was like oh wow that’s quick…
How did you say this? Not sure but, maybe you hurt his feelings of him being so quick. Got a little embarrassed maybe.
Post nut clarity hits hard. I can explain if you want. If it isn’t that then yeah you probably made him feel a little insecure about his stamina, not all guys are stallions that’s the fact of the matter. However not many guys wanna admit that.
He might have just been looking for a quick hook-up. If you’re interested in him, you can always try to reach out. If he wants a relationship he won’t respond in a cold way.
99% of people on dating apps especially tinder are only there to hook up, have sex then move onto the next, if you get more than one hookup with them then ya lucky.
” kissed him after, it was awkward”
If it was after you swallowed his cum, most likely he was not keen on tasting himself.
Class yaself lucky you escaped a player without being stringed along too much.
He probably felt embarrassed/ashamed of coming too quick and/or not being able to make you come and became icy as a defense mechanism. If you can gently and kindly reassure him about either or both of those things, it might help.
While /r/sex is a great resource, I might recommend that you just talk to him about it. The people here can guess and guess, but you’ll only know if you communicate with him.
Why would you stay all morning/afternoon if he was being ice cold to you
You said you guys had oral sex but that the bj the next morning was your first ever bj; so does that mean only he gave you oral the night before?
Also “Ok that’s enough” and “wow that was quick” are kind of insulting ways to phrase things. It sounds like you probably made him feel like you think he sucks in bed and hurt his ego.
He was probably cold with you after because while you were giving him oral sex you said, out loud to his face, “Oh wow, that’s quick.”
“okay that’s enough.” ouch. there’s definitely better ways to say you’re done and want to sleep now that just sounds harsh imo
Uhh op… Are you like 14 and talking to a 20 year old or something?
Sorry..that’s just a vibe I’m picking up here and I think could explain the situation better.
Must be great a feeling if you go down on a girl and she says “okay that’s enough”!
Saying, “OK, that’s enough” to a guy going down on you is a confidence killer. Yikes.
Why did you stay through till the morning? Were you also just hanging out in the morning? Did he ask you to? If not, my sense is he was wondering why you were staying too. This just sounds like yes you overstayed your welcome and it was kinda boring? Sorry 🤷🏼♀️ I can’t stand when guys stay past what we were doing fun that night because like the next day / morning is mine alone and to have someone that just hangs out feels awkward. If this was the case he should have told you but this is what I would read from this scenario you give. Next time leave after the hookup unless you both explicitly agree to keep hanging
Just text him and tell him how hot it was giving him a blowjob and that you can’t wait to do it again. All will be forgiven. Unless you think it was just a hook up then just move on.
To explain this to you, as it seems that not many people have…
Guys will typically have insecurity around 1. Not being able to please you/not the best in bed, and 2. Not being able to last long enough, and lastly 3. Not having a big dick, and being unable to perform.
It’s insecurity around not being as good as some other guy you could probably find, and he may be more nervous too hook up with yourself, or potentially anyone else for a good long while if this got to him.
That being said, you didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, but to paint the picture…
Let’s start off, you had a good date, things seem great and he’s excited to get frisky. You get together with him, and he eats you out. He’s expecting the “if Im doing a good job, I can make her cum, it’ll be great” then part way through you say “alright that’s enough”. In his mind, he probably thinks you were bored and not that impressed, and that he was doing a shit job. It probably shot his ego. Then, the next morning you give him a blowjob and he thinks “okay, she’s still into it, maybe I can salvage this and get better, still make her happy”. Then you mention he’s cumming quick and he thinks “damn it I’m still not good enough, she’s gonna leave me so fast”. Then the cold shoulder because he’s too embarrassed and needs you to leave so he keeps feeling shitty about himself.
He was probably just super embarrassed, and needs some time alone. If you want to come back from this, please just talk to him about it and assure him you enjoyed yourself. Just be warned that he may not believe you, as it’s going to look like you are being wishy washy and hard to read. It’s possible you may not come back from this, but it may be worth a try.
he had post nut clarity and he needed his space but you stayed to long
Staying until the afternoon, for me, would be overstaying their welcome, I’d hate that
Your best bet is to ask him straight out
Aside from the possibilities that have already been mentioned, he may have never wanted more than a one night stand anyway.
Did you do something wrong? No. I wouldn’t recommend telling a guy he came fast but if he got so butthurt that he ghosts you then that’s on him.
I think it’s great that you told him “Okay, that’s enough” – you need to be able to tell your partners when you’re not enjoying something. Maybe say, “It’s great, but I’m done for now”, assuming it is good. Don’t lie.
He may have been really quick, but if you mention it, point out that it’s hot that he’s so turned on or something.
It was your first time – did he know that? Was it his first time?
“Okay, that’s enough” and “Wow, that was quick” are the two things that both men and women don’t want to hear at all in bed. You need to learn bedroom etiquette.
Very rarely will you find an actual relationship on Tinder. If he reaches back out to you, then the ball is in your court. However, if you don’t hear anything at all from him, you have been ghosted and should move on.
Control your impulsivity and bluntness. Sex is when humans are at their most vulnerable. Gentle guidance is the way to go if you want your partner to do this or that to you sexually. It is so easy to shatter someone’s confidence during sex. Even the most sexually experienced men would have been put off from your comments.
Multiple comments regarding your topic:
1. If you already feel like having a relationship after ONE date (especially after meeting for the first time), something’s off. Might be you willing too much, too soon.
2: Your “oh wow thats quick” wasn’t necessary; although him telling about his 1-minute trick is also kinda stupid. Fucks up the tension. And it was your first blowjob so it’s not like you know what is normal 😉
3: Might be post-nut syndrome. He nutted. Then came to conclusion you’re not a right fit for him. Men work this way.
In short, it feels like you two didn’t really match sexually. And that’s about half of what you need for it to move to a relationship.
Maybe he was trying to get you to go home and that’s why he was cold. I can’t think of anything worse than a date I’d just met (and also a date that commented on my insecurity) staying till the afternoon the next day.
Aw b! Idk how young you are but since this is your first time doing this stuff I’m sure you feel a bit tender and raw. I’m sorry he switched up so fast, that sucks. Dunno why most of the comments are piling up about what you did rather than him; he should communicate what hurt him so you guys can sort it out. It’s ok; you didn’t do anything wrong, clearly you didn’t know! It’s your first time doing this stuff, you couldn’t have known that guys are insecure about coming too fast, but now you do. Live and learn!! I hope you’re okay, and I’m proud of you for knowing your boundaries and telling him when to stop and such. That’s something to be proud of! It took me a long time to learn boundaries with sex. I hope he communicates what happened with you, but if not, it’s okay, you’re young and experimenting and this sounds like a good first experience! Onwards and upwards! Good luck!
It’s her first time cut her some slack. Next time don’t talk about how long it takes. Be enthusiastic look like your enjoying yourself and pleasing him. He will love it!
I can see where you may have taken a few wrong turns here, but don’t beat yourself up too hard over it. You’re young, mistakes happen, silly things are said. A few protips going forth:
1. No guy wants to ever be told he’s gone too quick. Ever. Sometimes a gentle approach is better; instead of that, give it a more flirtatious spin like “Wow, you must have really enjoyed me, huh?”
2. “Ok, that’s enough” is what you tend to say following a meal or something, not when someone is giving you oral sex. Again, spin it more like “Ok…your turn” or just straight up tell them what you wanna do.
Sexual confidence doesn’t develop overnight and unfortunately it takes a lot of trial and error to figure out. You’ll get there though 😁
Post nut clarity.
He was horny. He came. He realized he was just horny and not really that into you.
I’m sorry you found out like that.