This will be long; apologies in advance. A little context: Renee and I have been friends since elementary school and got pretty close within the past few years. We decided to move in together in June and things have not been easy but we always make an effort to communicate and check in with each other despite the difficulties of navigating adulthood. Around two years ago, she started dating another girl (we’ll call her Gabby) who totally drained her of all her energy, cheated multiple times and even got physical with her once, leaving bruises on her. At every chance I got, I’d plead with her to leave the relationship and offered a shoulder to cry on even when it was emotionally exhausting to see my bright, bubbly and loving best friend turn into someone I didn’t recognize. A few months after she discovered the cheating, she didn’t leave until another one of her ex’s (we’ll call her Ally, who also cheated) came back into her life. She cut off all contact with Gabby and her and Ally got back together officially. This all happened probably within the first half of last year (2021). Well, several months pass and Ally decides to move away and they eventually break up. Renee was absolutely devastated. I tried my best to be there for her and remind her that she’s not alone. As most heartbroken people do, she started talking to lots of other people and going on dates. One of those people happened to be Gabby. I strongly advised against it but Renee insists that she has grown and that things will be different this time around. I told her immediately that I cannot handle another half year sitting on the floor with her while she cries her eyes out, begging her to get out of bed so she can shower/eat/fucking take care of herself or listening to her rant and rave about Gabby. And guess what I’m doing. I have a lot of shit on my plate at the moment and I’m dealing with my own heartbreak but going through this every week is really taking a toll on my mental health. On top of that, she’s definitely one of those friends that becomes so consumed with spending time with her SO that she completely neglects her relationships with family and friends. I explain this to her every time and it’s getting to the point where I can’t bite my tongue and make some scathing remark, even in front of our mutual friends, whenever Gabby is mentioned. And all of our friends share my feelings about her. She always comes to us for our advice/opinions and we all tell her the same thing. I’m not sure if she’s looking for someone to validate their relationship but it’s starting to get incredibly repetitive and we feel like at this point there’s nothing more we can say. She does have one friend that I don’t really care for, who enables her to stick around and not give up on Gabby. Not sure why, but I think he feels good knowing that she’ll always go to him because the rest of us are sick of hearing it and he’s always had a thing for her. I think really, she’s just one of those people who constantly has to be in a relationship because they are afraid of being alone. And I don’t necessarily fault her for that. She is going to therapy and has made some significant progress in other aspects of life. I’m managing to the best of my ability to be a good friend and just be there to listen even if I have nothing nice to say about Gabby. But as I said before, it gets harder and harder each time. When they’re fighting, she becomes an anxious wreck who can barely keep her food down and when they’re on good terms, she’s up Gabby’s ass 24/7 and completely abandons the rest of us, even when I have panic attacks or just really need her help with something. Overall, she is an amazing friend and has helped me get through some of my difficult moments and has dealt with me when I was going through my breakup. I was a bit of an ass when I was really anxious over my ex boyfriend but she understood and I always apologized for it. Fortunately, that period only lasted about two or three weeks. This current phase that she’s in has been going on since we moved in. I know she knows deep down that this relationship isn’t sustainable, she just wants someone there to fill the void that Ally left behind. All in all, I don’t want to lose her as a friend but I’m tired of having my boundaries being broken and feeling like she doesn’t respect me enough to know that I am done with hearing about how horrible Gabby is to her when she refuses to do anything about it. I’m sure many others have been in this situation. If you have, I’d love to hear if you were able to make your friend see your perspective or if you were able to salvage your friendship at all.
TLDR: My best friend’s horrible gf is making me despise living with her.