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48 comments
Been in a fwb abusive relationship, not romantic one🥴
My mother was pretty fucking abusive with me
Emotionally, yes
Physically, kind of. We weren’t officially in a relationship but we were “dating”
My father was mentally abusive. Idk if that counts.
A few with mentally and emotionally abusive women
Me
Yes. They had it coming.
Jk
Psychological abuse does count. It can be more damaging than physical abuse.
Abusive in regards to men is probably different than women but all my relationships were abusive to some degree. I think for men that is the norm today when framed the way I’m going to frame it.
It’s one of the reasons I’m against this whole patriarchy narrative. Hear me out.
Men have no inherent value in pretty much any society or structures made up by any sexual beings.
Our value is directly linked to our ability to provide. Thus, most of our relationships are usery in nature.
Even my current marriage which I wouldn’t end for a minute was abusive at one point.
When this unspoken understanding went out the window for more egalitarian view points men actually became the less equal of the sexes immediately.
In our relationships if we are providing but not as much as the dude next door could. We are dropped. If we are not capable of safe jobs, our value is so declined not only is it acceptable but it is expected that men take on the most dangerous of jobs because our lives are of no value.
When women are unhappy for any reason, stress, depression, drug addiction, etc it is acceptable for women to blame their husbands. Their inherent value is greater than that of the man’s, thus when it is negatively affected it should be fixed my any means.
In reverse for men, it is unacceptable for us to blame women and we should change ourselves, work harder, adopt a better philosophy, take on more responsibility… etc.
I could elaborate more but I’m too tired.
My dad was (still kind of is) in an abusive relationship. When I was a kid I hated my mom for it (she was abusive to us too). I used to ask my dad if he could divorce her and take us with him. As an adult I know he should have gotten us out of there and some blame maybe does fall on him for not leaving? Still working through that. My dad was my hero so that’s a hard pill to swallow.
Emotionally, yes. Gaslighting feels horrible because you feel like you’re doing everything wrong, everything you feel is wrong. But the reality is that he was a narcissist who was manipulating me.
Thank you. I have had mental abuse directed at me but i was fairly immune to it. What hurt the most was mental abuse towards vulnerable people I loved. It’s unforgivable and made me hate the abuser.
Have any of you men been actually *physically* abused by your female partner
I have. In my 20s. She actually went Schizophrenic and spent time in a hospital after I left. Beat the shit out of me one night while screaming Jesus was telling her to do it. Pretty wild stuff. Long story.
None. I can tell you my secret if you want
Yup. Both psychological and physical. I believe I’ve said in a post before that I was on the receiving end of a beating when she saw me shoot a zombie dog in RE5.
Unfortunately I feel as though it’s had a negative effect on my view of relationships and I haven’t dated for 11 years now.
Emotionally and financially abused by my ex wife
Yep. I was 14 she was 19.
I know some assholes will be like “wHy dIdNt YoU eNjOy iT?!
Because I didn’t respect myself or sex after that for a long time.
yep, my mother.
I’ve been there a few times. It’s pretty tough. I used to be in the mindset of “I have to stick through every problem so I can fix it” which is super unhealthy. Every single thing I liked, said or did was deemed as awful or racist or sexist just as an excuse to get me to not do anything anymore.
Most men have been in an abusive relationship but don’t know it. Women psychological abuse of men is broadly accepted and not called out.
This is a big reason why men withdraw from women as they get older and more experienced. It honestly doesn’t matter as society doesn’t care about men, but then men cease to care about society, and society does care about that.
Oh well, time to move on.
Dated alot of manipulative women in my past. My current significant other is sweet as pie but my God relationships are a battle mentally. And I may be wrong to say this but women seem to be way better and psychological and mental abuse than almost any guy I’ve ever met. Including my very mentally and physically abusive father.
u/sonofastuntman
I was abused for so long because I honestly thought that was the way things were supposed to be. Leaving her and finding someone human was a complete eye opener.
Christ on a crutch, I’m in one of those now. For decades, I’ve been doing the eggshell dance just to keep peace in the house as much as possible.
Been in one emotionally abusive one. It changed me and how I viewed things. But the pain was also bad enough to refrain my attention from women and focus on my career success, seeing the world, living abroad for a while, and to really be more in touch with nature. Years of traveling made me realize that being in touch in the world made me happier than being in touch with a girl. Relationships are too unpredictable, but memories stay the same.
Three with varying levels of abuse, the worst being with a narcissist that tried to get me to give up my kids so I could only father hers and when I would refuse to would hit me. She eventually left in a sudden fashion but tried to have my sons taken from me claiming that I abused them. She then showed up 6 months later after all the dust settled with a baby she claimed was mine. I repeatedly told her I wanted a paternity test. She denied this request every time and eventually disappeared. Pretty wild. Have a wonderful woman I’ll be marrying now.
One of my ex’s tried to force me to impregnate her, then tried to guilt me for resisting.
One of my ex’s had anger issues and would have slapping and punching fits.
One of my ex’s accused me of taking my insecurities out on her when I discovered proof she was cheating on me.
One of my ex’s… Well, the attempted gaslighting is a really long but subtle story, but she tried convincing me I was wrong despite me having screenshots of conversations and me remembering/knowing exactly what happened.
Yes. She had a personality disorder and was gaslighting me extensively. It was indeed driving me crazy. Two things saved me – 1) some friends came to visit (I was living overseas with her so this was a huge deal) and asked me what the hell was wrong with me, I didn’t seem myself etc, and 2) eventually she hit me. She didn’t like something I’d said and slapped me full force across the face. Topical, eh? 🙂
She was outraged when I slapped her straight back (not full force!) – that was the point that told me I was headed to hell, and I left very soon after. She tried to get me back in various ways and it got very ugly. Took me years to fully recover.
I think if I’m being honest, every relationship I’ve had up to my current one was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some way. We pick our romantic partners based on how our parents loved and treated us as kids. When all you know is toxicity and abuse you look for that in partners until you purposefully break that cycle
*raise my hand
We have a child together so I have 17 years and change before I can cut contact. Also they raised the age to 19 before you can be legally untied.
It was worth it, love my little girl, about to pick her up!
i have! 🎉
My first relationship. I was too young to recognize the signs, or understand how to respond to if. Literally only now starting to unpack everything that happened.
Left an emotionally/mentally abusive marriage and it was the hardest (but needed to) thing I’ve ever done.
The gaslighting (I’m not mad at you but for you thinking I’m mad at you, Now i’m mad at you) was awful and eventually, you start to convince yourself that you’re unworthy of happiness because accepting being not happy is easier than wishing you were
A friend of mine dated a crazy girl who attacked him with a knife. He managed to push her outside and she was stabbing at the door screaming her head off while he held it shut and called the cops.
Yes, I was dumped on Valentine’s Day and she opted to throw quarters at me while she did it. My quarters
Yep for about 7 ish years. I was young and kept thinking I could “fix” it.
Been on both ends unfortunately (i think)? Last relationship i think we both had some emotional abuse going on. Me, a handful of times when i was drunk i’d say some absolutely vile things, make her feel tiny. On her end i think it was less so a verbal issue so much as some psychological habits or behaviors that were unorthodox but still likely fit the bill. Abuse is no fun for anyone, and you can’t change it or go back on it once it’s done, and not something i want to be part of on either side ever again.
Many
Yes. Mental illness can be punishing on all those around them. Learned an important lesson though – thou shall take no shit from this day forward. 5 years ago now. Have stuck to it
Let’s see…I’ve belittled, never been complemented or appreciated, given the cold shoulder over small fights for days to a week, gaslit and constantly compared.
So yeah.
A good friend of mine dated a girl that rejected me and he was extremely mental and physically abused she would kick him blame him for stuff he had no control over tell all her friends how he’s a piece of shit. And apparently she told him that I was her cousin or some shit. I’m glad i doged a bullet but feel bad for him.
Yep.
It started with verbal and emotional abuse.
She would try to control me through outbursts, put downs and aggressive language
She’d tell me I was a terrible boyfriend, or that I fucked her day up because I overcooked the chips
Not even burned, just overcooked.
Then came the breaking things like the time she kicked a hole in the bathroom door
The final straw was when she threw an iron at me. I was lucky it was plugged in and didn’t reach me.
But that was the point I realised I was in physical danger and it was time to leave.
venturing a guess………. more than 12
It may be more efficient to ask who hasn’t
I’ve been verbally, emotionally, physically amd sexually abused by my ex. The trauma he caused til this day..
Physically and psychologically abusive relation. It ended up with me being stabbed.
Never