my ex texted me after a month of no contact.

Im 23, My gf 20. We were together for 1,5 years. she was the first i truely loved, 99% everything was perfect, she even said herself, no drama, just 2 people loving the crap out of each other, having so much fun and so on.

It started 4 months ago, i accused her of cheating, i heard a male voice after she went home from partying, she lives alone, but it turned out she was sleeping at her sisters place and it was her husband, she was very sad, she said she always praises me to other people, how her trust is damaged and she didnt deserve it, she wanted to break up because of that, i apolozied and begged her i would do it better, we had bigger talk about other problems we had, but she decided to give me a last chance

i realy tried to make up for that and our relationship reached a new level, she was so happy, i have got help for my adhd, emotional problems. and we both handeled the other problems, we were so madly in love, everything was perfect, she always told me how happy she was with that decision, howmuch she loves me

she moved to uni few weeks ago and this week she met her new classmates, there is a bonding programm that provides like drinks and acitives they can do,. from like 4 pm to 3 am, she was out and didnt message me at all besides “im so drunk”, usually its that she misses me and just talks about what they are doing. but nothing, i saw her online and i asked why she ignored me, we argued a little and i understand her point that she was just having fun with other people, but she also undertands my point that im anxious.

next day she goes out drinking again, this time updating me, but after she came home, she said to me she needs to talk and that she wants to break up, i tried showing her its not like last time, but for her the combination of me getting pissed of her after drinking was enough. that the accusation realy left a mark and . we talk for 6 hours, and she breaks up. she gave me a little hope by saying that she still loves me, and that she always was happy during every meetup, but since we can only see each other 1-2 times a week, we always would have these argues over text (we never do in reallife). she tells me that we should work on our problems on our own and maybe our ways will find again to another, maybe not she doestn want to give me false hope and she says goodbye. she has valid feelings, but it felt so bad losing all of this because of one mistake i did because of my mental problems. eventough everything else was going to the right direction, she even said everything else, be it meetups, phonecalls, our sex, our humor, our intrest, inteligence, everything is perfect and she cant imagine another one having all of these positive combinations, but she has a gut feeling that its the right choice to break up.

almost a month later she messages me: “hey, i hope you are doing good, i had a good feeling about the break up and thought it was the right choice, i felt a relief, but after few weeks, uni starting, me working a job, it realy hit me, that you are actually gone, so many things remind me of you, every day i miss the things we did, im sorry for giving it up so fast. if you already moved on i totally respect it , but if you could talk, i would realy appriciate it.

i cant believe it, i would usually go instanlty back to her arms, i miss her obviously, i miss her obviously, but it felt so fucking shit getting left in the dirt and im scared it would happen again, im again having axniety, i dont know if its totally reasonable what she did, or if it was just manipulative because she met someone new, wanted a way out, realised shit i am better and now wants back, i dont fucking know, i dont even know if i even processed the breakup , because all i did was distract myself, i woke up, did uni, worked, gym, therapy, then distaced myself with games or with my friends, every single day.

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**tl;dr**: my ex texted me after a month of no contact.