She was the most amazing person ever, and I have not felt like this with anyone for a while. However, I found out that she was posting super provocative pics online before she started dating me, doesn’t really get along with her father, and is a smoker (I thought she was a casual smoker but it seems like she was addicted). I had a talk about some things with her but it seems like she did not want to change the smoking part and dressing modestly -(though she hasn’t posted anything provocative while seeing me). It does bother me quite a bit because it reminds me of my toxic ex.
I broke it off with her after seeing her for a few weeks, she cried a lot on the phone and yet was really caring about me. I feel absolutely torn for calling it off but I know it wouldn’t work in long run. But again everything with her was great…
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How do I get over the guilt?
6 comments
With time. Stick to your guns about your standards & take your time seeking someone more suiting for you.
Ugh. I don’t know your life and experiences so I’m not saying this was or wasn’t right for you. But people can have issues with family for very valid reasons. And provocative photos are not inherently wrong or a poor reflection of someone’s character. Are you religious and she’s not? Is that what this comes down to? Smoking can be concerning because it can cause health issues. It kills me that my mom smokes. But you didn’t know this person very long so maybe a devil’s advocate here, but I’d question what you are judging as toxic based on a short time knowing someone. If your worldview/values/religion is very different, then that might be harder to come to terms with.
You get over the guilt by realizing that you did a favor not only to you, but to her. Do you think she would enjoy you constantly giving her* shit about smoking and posting provocative photos? Eventually that’s going to create a shitty relationship for her. Stick to your dealbreakers, it’s for the best. The things that are dealbreakers early on, are the same reasons you break up down the line.
To get over the guilt just know that you are fine to have your dealbreakers but some of them could use some serious reevaluating. Not getting along with her father? Seriously dude?
Imagine having the audacity to try & control the way your partner chooses to dress themselves as if it were not their literal body
Jumping here but it seems like you’re not completely healed from your ex… you’re comparing her and ex and that’s a clear sign you aren’t ready to date. For starters, you shouldn’t be telling a women how to dress. If you don’t like it, find someone who doesn’t do that. Seems like you’re trying to change her. Either accept her for the good and the bad or just move on.