I 33f and my bf 35m have been together for a good part of a year. Our sex life started out fantastic. Multiple times a week, we both wanted each other all of the time. Well as time went on things got weird. We maybe have sex once a week if that. I’ve quit initiating or even being sexually suggestive over text because he sometimes gets frustrated with me and it’s impossible for me to tell when or if he is receptive to sexual advances. I have tried talking about this with him multiple times and every single time he gets a bit defensive and shuts down. He won’t talk and I’ve tried in person and over text. I’ve tried making sure he is in an environment that is comfortable to him but he just won’t communicate with me about sex.
It’s hard for me because I crave sex daily because it’s an act of love for me to express my love physically. I feel less loved with less sex. I have a high drive and he doesn’t seem to have much of one anymore.
It’s hard for me too because I am a bigger girl and I just have a gut feeling that he isn’t attracted to me. I shower him with complements all of the time and he only ever says he enjoys my curvy hips.
I have never been able to cum by any way except masturbating. I was open about this when we started talking and way before we first had sex. Climaxing is not my goal, loving my partner is my goal. But he always says he feels like he isn’t pleasing me because I didn’t cum. I reassure him constantly that couldn’t be farther from the truth. He also has trouble reaching climax, probably a quarter of the time he can reach climax despite my best efforts.
How can we communicate effectively or are we doomed?
1 comment
You’ve seemingly made every good faith effort to talk about this with him and he flat out refuses to talk about it.
It’s a story as old as time. Sex is red hot to start with and it slows down over time. It can be improved, every sex life can. But that requires equal willingness for both parties and he isn’t up for it.
He may very well feel insecure about his ‘inability’ to get you to climax. I can see why some folks may (foolishly) take that personally and why it could be a hit to the libido. He may be thinking ‘what’s the point if she won’t climax’ – The problem is I’m assuming you’ve said everything to him that you have posted above.
I’m assuming you have had the ‘talk’ about what he wants / would like in the bedroom and worked that angle.
Being sexually incompatible as a perfectly fine reason not to be in a relationship with some one. Given this relationship hasn’t being going terribly long and sex has dried up to this extent I would be seriously considering my options.