For context, this girl and I have been talking for about 2.5 weeks or so. We are both in college, I’m a freshman she’s a sophomore. We have studied, went out to eat, and talk through text and in class. Needless to say, I’m interested in her in more of a relationship sense than just hooking up. Even throughout high school I was interested in getting to know the girl I was talking to instead of moving too fast. Well, yesterday I went over to her place and we got high. It was… awkward. We kind of just watched movies and chit chatted. I wanted to make a move, but I wasn’t sure how to break the ice. I was there for literally 6 hours and didn’t make a single move. I just wasn’t sure how to approach it. It was still fun though, we had our laughs, but now I’m just worried that I completely fucked it up. What if she was expecting something more than just talking and watching movies but I was just too much of a bitch to do anything. I have no clue if she’s looking for a romantic relationship or just a hook up thing, so I didn’t wanna move too fast. I tried reading her body language but nothing worked out. I ended up leaving at like 2 am, gave her a hug, and told her we should hang out again. She said sure. Fast forward to the next day, I’m just feeling miserable because in my mind i think I just kinda sold the bag. We haven’t texted since and I’m not even sure if I might be overreacting or not. Any help would be great.
19 comments
Don’t hit yourself over this, you didn’t make a move and that’s okay, it’s never too late to give it a shot.
girls aren’t actually made of glass, if she’s interested in a relationship then one single evening where you don’t make a move is not going to smash anything. if you want to date her, ask! that way at least you’re not in limbo hell for six hours next time.
hey, I am not a pro when it comes to relationships with women but I’ll try giving you my perspective.
there is just one simple way to recover. just talk to the girl like you normally would. don’t overthink this one incident. maybe she did want you to make a move, but you didn’t and that’s okay. don’t think about that, and speak to her again. If you can be, be honest. talk about this incident with her if you can. Thinking about this incident is just gonna hurt your future encounters with her. Be genuine with her.
You’re overreacting a bit. Don’t think every interaction is “all or nothing”. You weren’t sure of her feelings and erred on the safe side and that’s ok.
Contrary to what people believe, outgoing people can enjoy the company of a more introverted person too. I know many couples where the girl is super social and the guy is a bit more reserved.
So don’t let that kind of thinking stop you. The main concern is that you haven’t texted her. Text her and act like you usually do. It’s the non-communication that’s making this awkward.
If you really care about her, would’nt you want to know if she was flakey enough to stop liking you over one awkward time? Maybe she was’nt giving off the right vibe. Don’t expect it is you.
You are way overthinking and putting way too much pressure on yourself.
Once your mind clears up, get coffee with her and ask.
I mean did you really fuck it up for good though? I don’t think so. You probably would have if you made a move and she wasn’t interested though.
You got a date be fucking happy
Way better move than making unwarranted advances. I think even if she is interested in you, she would appreciate that you are down to spend time with her without it having to lead to anything more. That’s definitely giving off respectful dating vibes as opposed to hookup vibes (so, mission accomplished, right?) Just try asking her on a date soon maybe to dinner or something. Trying to gage if it’s the right time to make a move can be hard but if you start doing more date-y things together I think it’ll come naturally
If she Is interested in a relationship then this won’t bother her. But if she was only looking to hook up then maybe she might be disappointed. In any case, you should be fine with this given that you were looking to date her. Even if she thinks you disappointed her, that’s only because she expected something of you that you weren’t willing to give, a hook up. Would you not be disappointed to find out she’s not really interested in dating you and was instead looking to only have sex? Do you think she’d care for that? She won’t, instead she’ll go look for someone else to hook up with.
You need to learn to never be selfish to yourself. You know what you want and if you’re not gonna get it from her then I don’t see any reason why she should get something from you that you’re not interested in offering.
I’ve done this before and everyone I asked about this said the same thing: relax, don’t be too hard on yourself, and try again. She said she wanted to hang out again, so that’s a good thing. Text her something funny you guys talked about, send a meme you can relate, be playful. If she replies, another good sign and try to lead into setting something up. It’s fine if you didn’t make a move. Some girls find it sweet, but try not to make it a habit. You’ll go insane trying to find if it was the right time. If you can muster the courage, go for it. If you’re not that guy, be honest with her so she can help. If she doesn’t want to, no hard feelings and you learn from it.
Dude, take it slow! No need to rush things, let things unfold by themselves. Figure things out one by one as time goes on. You got your whole life in front of you. 2 weeks is too soon isn’t it? Get to really know each other first bruh! 😂
“Confidence without clarity is a disaster.”
Better take it chill and be a gentleman. Take your time. The buildup is the best part.
Just play it off like you “had a good time, when can I see you again? You free tomorrow?” Or something like that, and figure it out. Stop planning. Good luck. Enjoy it. It’s part of the fun either way.
I wouldn’t worry too much about this. 2.5 weeks and didn’t make a move while HIGH? Honestly I would have appreciated that a lot more than you making a move on me when I was high. Honestly think it’s respectful to not make a move when under any kind of influence. I doubt she’s upset about it otherwise you wouldn’t have been there for 6 hours, she would have found a way out of that situation, she probably would have said at 10-11pm that she was getting tired and booted you in a kind way.
Just communicate. Communication is important and helpful. Literally just let he know you’ve been having a great time with her, and you’re wondering if she’s looking just to hang out or if she’s looking for more. OR alternatively, just straight up ask her on a date, pick a day and say “Hey, would you like to go out on a date on [day] at [place]?”. Don’t get yourself stuck in this “I have no idea what she thinks” situation when just asking her can save you from your own thoughts and uncertainty. If she doesn’t wanna do that, then just thank her for her honesty and either be her friend or move on, the last thing you want is to drag this out.
If she’s an out going party girl and was willing to have a night in with you for 6 hours or until 2am, that’s a clear indication. So get in contact with her, be yourself but make your intentions clear. Last thing you want to do is let it drag on without telling her how you feel and end up in the friendzone.
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If I (F21) were you, I would start gradually doing more relationship-y thing little by little! Bringing her food every once in a while, sending her posts related to her interests, asking how her day was, etc. That might make her see you a little bit more in a romantic light, while at the same time showing her you care about her! A lot of guys assume girls don’t like clingy guys, but the truth is most of us like to be pampered a little bit. Now, on the other hand, you shouldn’t overdo it. Don’t be buying her flowers every day or text her 30 times a day or anything. And most importantly, don’t force it if you aren’t getting good signals back! Good luck, friend!
Oh gosh, you’re overthinking.
Stop thinking of “are we gunna date” first thing is first make a move, if that goes well just keep hanging out and eventually the topic of “what are we” will come up organically
Just hang with the girl again and make a move when you feel it, FWIW maybe don’t get high.
How often do you get high?
I find that trying to socialize while high makes it kinda awkward for me because it makes me over think. Even as an everyday smoker! Like I need a good solid 5 minutes to reply to one sentence lmao.
The only time I would get high around a girl is if we KNOW for a fact that we are going to have sex after. That way, there’s no, “should I make a move? What should I say?” Etc.
I would advise laying off the weed with you and her until y’all can be comfortable around each other. Or at least wait until you’ve already made a move and have gotten it out the way.
Making a move for the first time while high can be tricky cause like you said, you wanted to, but you couldn’t figure it out. Hard to figure it out when ur brains high as shit lol
I had to quit weed because I found that it made me antisocial, even if I was actively talking to people. It just felt awkward and has ruined several relationship opportunities due to overthinking and being high all the time.
Good luck m8