What are some telltale differences between your relationship going through a rough patch versus being unhealthy?

5 comments

1. You and your partner should always be able to talk through issues without screaming, yelling and being downright mean to each other. A rough patch means working together through the situation, whilst unhealthy means your methods of remedy are destructive and demeaning.

2. I think rough patch means trying to come up with solutions versus unhealthy by being mean and wanting to hurt the other person.

3. A rough patch is finite, there is usually a specific inciting incident (such as the loss of a job) and while it may involve some sniping it should also involve respect and a willingness to work though the issue without throwing blame around or raising voices.

   An unhealthy relationship will steadily get worse over time. It will likely start with unwarranted and unasked for minor criticisms and will gradually reach a point where there is no way for you to do right (or for them to do right). it is marked with disrespect even if it never actually reaches the level of outright abuse.

4. A rough patch for me, is when communication skills get eroded, which they do over time.

   Everyone can become somewhat toxic when we’re exhausted and hurt.

   What determines if it’s a rough patch imho, is if both parties are interested in fixing it, and both willing to do the (sometimes extremely) hard work to fix it.

   Unhealthy? I’m unhealthy when I catch a cold too, it does not define me, as long as I want to get better and willing to take the steps needed.

   I guess what you really want to know is when to have hopes for it getting better, and when to lose hope b/c it won’t – and that is if your partner isn’t willing to change and fix things as much as you are willing.

   Just like with physical health – most illnesses won’t go away on their own, and will just get worse if they are untreated.

   I would want to live with someone who does not take care of their health – and just the same, Simone who doesn’t take care of the relationship’s health.

5. This is pretty simplified but I tend to think of it as…

   If it’s you both consistently against the problem=rough patch

   If it’s consistently one or both of you against each other=unhealthy