So I’m posting in hopes of getting confirmation but also maybe different perspectives. I met a guy online a few months ago. We had a lot of banter but he disappeared for one reason or another and I completely forgot about him. About three weeks ago we rematched and he apologized for ghosting, we met up, had one of those really great first dates that lasts for hours and ends with an awkward but exciting kiss. Only concern was that he brought up his ex quite a bit.
We had a second date about a week later and things fell flat because the ex kept coming up. I tried to redirect in a noncommittal way. He knew he was messing up and kept trying to stop but she kept coming up in the convo somehow. I tried to be understanding because he framed it as he’s upset he can’t have a relationship with his daughter so I tried to be sensitive about it. Before the date we both agreed we were okay with keeping things casual since we live 2 hours apart.
In between we talked about all sorts of lighthearted things and joked around a lot but talking about your kids and your ex was a definite mood killer and he knew it.
I tried to reassure him it wasn’t a big deal and I wanted to see him again but he also lives 2 hours away so I’m thinking he’s not going to put any effort in since we slid from hook up to intimate territory. I don’t plan on doing anything but I’d really like to make plans to see him again but I feel like I should wait to hear from him. What do folks think? I’m happy to provide more context about what I like about him but he’s attractive in a safe, gentle, mysterious kind of way that I’d like to explore and he’s really funny and a walking jukebox.
13 comments
Very (very) sad to reply, but there’s nothing there.
Sounds like he has a bunch of healing to do before he should be dating (or even being casual if he’s bringing up the ex that often). Obviously this is just my opinion, but I think anything with him would implode due to his headspace fairly quickly.
He sounds like a nice guy who is really really not ready to be in a relationship. Especially because there’s a child involved. I imagine he’s rushing into online dating to try to move on from his ex.
Doesn’t sound like there’s much going on in your favor here other than him enjoying your company. I would gently let this one go and if it works out timing wise later that would be great. Unfortunately timing is a huge part of a relationship working out and it’s not happening for you here.
In more ways than one this guy has told you he’s emotionally unavailable. Listen to him and move on.
I think this is one of those situations where for your own health you may need to let him go so he can heal. He will not be able to give you the parts of himself to build a meaningful relationship and eventually you will become frustrated. It’s like you are battling for a position in his life because his ex still occupy the best parts of him. You can decide whether you want to stay friends or leave it alone but it’s totally up to you. Just my opinion.
Sounds like a nice guy, but clearly not ready for dating again yet.
It’s possible he ghosted you because he knew he wasn’t ready then tried putting himself out there again… only to now have the realization that he still isn’t ready.
That, and the distance, make me think nothing is there.
It won’t get better. If you’re going to keep seeing him, you’re going to hear about the ex for a very long time to come.
I had this happen to me about a week ago. Though he brought up himself he’s not ready. Broke my tiny heart cuz I liked him a lot. I let him know he can reach out if and when he’s ready, but I’m not waiting around. As much as I’d like to see him again and see where it goes, I can’t hang my hopes on a person that wasn’t able to give me what I need (even if it was an excuse). I suggest you do the same. I’m sorry <3
* Already ghosted you
* Long distance
* Can’t stop talking about his ex even when he KNOWS he shouldn’t
I think that you shouldn’t put any effort into this situation that you wouldn’t be willing to throw into a hole. Exactly how much effort that is only you can decide.
He doesn’t see his kids or have a relationship with them because he doesn’t get along with his bm? ❗️🚩
you need to really think about why you would put all your eggs into a basket that you just spent a bunch of time explaining that you weren’t sure about. This story is a mess.
Run.
he ain’t ready sis .