i (21f) keep getting ghosted :/ been ghosted twice after sex… i’m starting to think it’s me. i really want to be in a committed relationship but every time i start to actually like someone they ghost me. i think i’m pretty average looking idk maybe they find someone better looking?? it’s starting to really upset me, part of me wants to give up dating bc i know i’ll most likely end up getting ghosted and it will go no where. i’m so sick of going on first dates that lead to nothing or guys just wanting to hookup. this has seriously affected my confidence and self esteem.
6 comments
You’re just coming across guys who are not looking for serious relationship. Are they your age?
Maybe don’t have sex with them so quickly
Guys at that age do this , I skipped ever dating these ass clowns when I was your age and went older
stop having sex so quickly with guys when you want a committed relationship. ask their goals upfront and let them know yours
(22f)
I can see how that might make you feel insecure or inadequate – I highly doubt that it’s you, or that it’s your fault, and it sucks that so many women feel this way.
Unfortunately it seems that these days, with everything in the media being so over-sexualized, with dating apps and the normalization of hook-up culture for young people, and the feminist movement of sex positivity coming from the 2010’s (which, now, years later seeing how it’s played out, has not worked out in women’s favour whatsoever), it’s becoming harder to find love and genuine connection.
I’m not blaming men, or boys; I can understand the issues that they’re facing and I have empathy for them. My BF (25m) and I have been together for almost 3 years, and we have had a lot of conversations about sex and how he was exposed to such stimulation so young, how its affected his veiws of sex and his expectations VS the reality, and even gotten to the root cause of his porn addiction. I think a lot of men are ashamed of themselves and carry a lot of that weight with them in their life.
From a very young age it seems that they’re exposed to pornography and the sexualization of women, causing most to have some kind of unhealthy addiction to sex or pornography, and I genuinely believe it effects their ability to see women as anything other than a means for having sex- definitely not everybody would think this way, but it is common, and I think if you’re going to be having sex, you need to have some level of emotional maturity and awareness to spot men like this and save yourself the trouble and hurt.
I really do think that there are too many people having unsatisfying or traumatic sexual experiences due to lack of emotional security and intelligence.
On the other hand, I believe that women see sex as a means of validation and acceptance from men, and therefore tend to focus on being sexually appealing or maybe having sex with them too soon. I saw that you said you waited about a month before sleeping with them, which might seem like a long time, but it really isn’t in the grand scheme – I’m not trying to shame you, and I apologize if you take that the wrong way. I just think that you deserve a connection that’s lasted longer than a month before giving someone your body and letting them feel you in that way. I hate that the sacredness and spirituality has been taken out of sex and so many women are left feeling like they’ve done something wrong.
This may be an unpopular opinion (I don’t know), but personally, I don’t feel comfortable having sex with someone unless I fully trust them, especially if my intentions are to have a relationship with them. I’ve never slept with anyone I wasn’t in a relationship with. In my mind, sex is for boyfriends. I’ve never been into hook up culture or comfortable with one night stands (I am still very young, so you never know.)
Sorry that was all over the place, I have a lot of opinions on this stuff… basically, I don’t think anything is wrong with you, I think that growing up in this society you’ve probably been conditioned (whether you’re aware of it or not) to base your value to men off of what you can offer them sexually, and same for them to you, and that makes it hard to find love and relationships.
I think that you SHOULD give up dating (for now). You’re 21, honey! Live your best life! I found my boyfriend unexpectedly when I wasn’t looking. Mutual friends and we were friends for 6 months before we started dating (lots of sexual tension within that time, lots of kissing and touching but never sex).
I know loneliness can be really hard, and being so young it can wreak havoc on your self esteem if you’re not dating or having any romantic interests. But it sounds like you’d like someone who is actually your best friend AND committed , and you fully deserve that. You just need to figure out how to catch a good one when it appears.
It’s not you, it’s them.
There’s nothing wrong with YOU. They are the problem. They’re too immature to break things off like any decent person.