There’s a sort of disconnect between who I think I really am and how I behave on the outside. I do martial arts, I lift weights, and my values and worldview don’t exactly align with my overly nice behavior. I’m seen as quiet and have been taken advantage of by people who thought I probably wouldn’t stand up for myself.
Today I engaged in conversation with someone sketchy who started talking to me solely because I was a young woman. It was short and ended after I didn’t give my name, but in reality I shouldn’t have stayed to talk in the first place. I know that, so why did I?
I feel like my actual personality is hidden under years of…I don’t even know what. I feel like I’m betraying myself with this behavior. I hardly ever act true to myself. It’s gotten a lot better, but that’s not saying much. I try to fix it, but I feel like something is missing. Even my family would be surprised if I acted the way I wanted to.
Are there any groups or programs that can help with this?
7 comments
Read “when I say no I feel guilty” or try assertiveness training
Being overly nice will invite unwanted attention because you’ll come across as an easy target. Maybe you need to be more situationally aware of your surroundings before lowering your guard! I’d start with trying to project strength when around strangers, not necessarily being agressive but at least look like a person who could become agressive if necessary. Maybe look around for a person in your surroundings who’s good at that and draw inspiration from them. Best wishes OP!
Find some assertiveness training. It will help you put your needs in front of others and show you how to act to get them, like agression but less hostile.
I kinda feel the same way! I am a pushover and sometimes over share because I am ‘nice’ the. I end up hating myself for it or really hating the person who questioned me or made me feel powerless cuz I don’t have boundaries. As a female it’s been hard to draw the line of JUST Friends. Sadly I feel like I have to be a btch but I just want neutral respect. I started becoming more aware of what it means to respect myself first, what self respect means to me etc it’s practice. Sometimes easy to forget, but you got this!!
The answer usually hides in “what do you fear is going to happen if you do become more outspoken?”.
Your description is too vague. There’s a huge difference from nice to pushover. And assertive vs aggressive. I unfortunately have the opposite problem. If I don’t keep myself in check I can be mean. I like to intimidate people, but in my personal growth I realize that’s my own weakness revealed. That stronger man isn’t the man who can beat the shit out of someone it’s the man that can that can walk away from a situation even if he looks like the pussy. That’s hard. Just my two cent!
You’re masking. It sounds like you have some unresolved conflicts you’re looking for closure with and seeking confrontation subconsciously to validate your ability to defend yourself due to some past incident. I would speak to a psychologist.
I just realized I’m saying kind of the exact opposite of everyone else, but I stand by it, and I think a professional would seem to agree based on the way you’ve chosen your words.