I’m dating this guy and we both became official recently. I’m kinda realizing that there are areas where we are not compatible, for instance, sex. He has higher sex drive than I am. We made a compromise about it, but I feel like I am forcing myself to cater to him. It feels like a chore to me. I make myself too available for him when he needs me and when I discussed this with my friends, I was told to break up with him because he was taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. There are red flags but there are green flags as well. Right now, overall, I feel confused. I feel like I should break up with him because of some compatibility issues but at the same time I’d like to give it a chance because he is also trying to make the relationship work. What should I do?
tl;dr: There are green flags and red flags going into this relationship with my bf. Should I give it a chance?
5 comments
I don’t really get how you compromise on sex, either you both want it or not
If that’s that big of a deal do it, but if you are unsure just ask yourself if you see this guy in the future.
What are the red flags? What are the green flags? Does he respect it when you don’t want sex?
Did you communicate your different needs? I suspect you did not. Why? You said a lot here while at the same time you did not provide the details we need to know what your issue is.
I am sure he is confused.
Learn to be clear. He can’t know what you want unless you make it clear.
I used to be the same way “a people pleaser and available for my boyfriend all the time” because I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. He never took advantage of me thought. Over time I resized that and I learned how to voice boundaries and don’t do things at my own expenses. It is possible to work on this issue but you need to work on yourself first and learn how to love and respect yourself.
If you feel like sex is a chore then that could be a problem in any future possible relationship and it’s important to work on that. You’re not obligated to have sex with him because he has a higher sex drive than you. You’re not obligated to have it at all. Sex should happen only when both parties really want to.
I’d break it off