What is your opinion on the common notion that couples should “never go to bed angry/upset”? Why?

12 comments

1. People don’t make better, more rational and empathetic decisions when they’re sleep-deprived. Why torture yourselves by fighting all night?

   I’ve gone to bed angry at my spouse plenty of times. I’ve never woken up angry.

2. I’d say it works for some people. I know a few people that prefer to sleep on something if they’re getting nowhere with a conversation. They wake up the next day with a fresh perspective and they’ve mentioned that waking up next to them is enough for them to let go of angry feelings.

3. Depends on the issues/disagreements. If it is a huge issue then no I do not think that it is a good idea to go to bed angry, but if you already talked about it (and can’t make amends right now) or it is difficult to put to words then maybe trying to talk about it the next day would be better

4. I think it’s bad advice. Anger isn’t always a super rational emotion so I don’t know why you’d try to resolve an argument during it. Let me go cool off and we can talk it through in the morning.

5. As long as we’re still physically affectionate and operating like two people who love each other then we can go to bed feeling whatever.

6. Pretty bad advice imo..What if you’re fatigued from all the day’s activities and are not in the right headspace to talk things out. Healthy couples can and should sleep feeling however they like as long as no one’s being mean to the other. Things can be talked out at a later time when both parties are ready.

7. I can handle going to bed upset as long as he still tells me he loves me before saying goodnight lol.

   But we generally try to get things all patched up before bedtime. Sometimes it just isn’t possible, though.

8. Forcing me to stay awake makes me more angry and upset. It’s best for everyone that I get the sleep I need.

9. Most arguments I get into with my other half are at night. We are both tired and can have a short fuse. We don’t mind going to sleep angry or upset. Just say goodnight and talk about it in the morning. In most cases we can’t even remember why we had an argument the night before. Brains do weird things when they are tired

10. I think like the rule must be exist but not only for bed, problems must be solved immediately. Its the way for healty relationship exist.

11. Sometimes people need space/time to process so…if that means going to bed angry until they’re ready to talk, fine by me

12. It’s overly simplistic. The saying implies that there are only two options:

    * Go to bed steaming mad at each other
    * Talk it out right now and forgive and make up right now

    It ignores option number 3: maturely tell your partner that you’re both tired, it’s getting late, this isn’t going anywhere right now, we can continue discussing this tomorrow. Let’s get some sleep and know that we still love each other in the meantime.