I’ve been dating her for 2 months now though I’ve been friends with her for over a year now. Recently (today) we were texting each other about our kinks and the like. Now she’s definitely not vanilla and we were being quite honest with each other about what we were into. She mentioned a couple peculiar kinks and I tried my best to be accepting and non judgmental (I think I did a good job). And so I mustered up the courage to say that I’m into pegging. Now we’re both switches when it comes to dominance and she knew I could be submissive so I assumed that it wouldnt be that bad. Well she found it incredibly funny because I’m a pretty tall guy. I dont have huge muscles or anything but I definitely have good genes for it. Her laughing about it honestly crushed me. I feel like I cant really go to her about anything without the chance of getting judged about it. I honestly lost a little trust in her. Am I overreacting? Should I tell her about my feelings?
Edit: Just talked about it with her. She was extremely apologetic and it seems like things are gonna work out. And to the people that consider this something worth immediately breaking up over, I hope you find true love one day.
17 comments
was she laughing at you or with you, important distinction
I’d definitely let her know you were hurt. Maybe she didn’t really mean to be judgmental about it but laughter is tough when you’re putting yourself out there. Hopefully she can make amends and you two can work through it!
Dump your girlfriend. It’s one thing for her to not be into it (totally fair). It’s an entirely different thing to be judgemental.
Not overreacting at all. Sounds like she’s not considerate enough to think about her actions and how they’d affect you about such a vulnerable subject.
You are not over-reacting, you are reacting. You should tell her.
Try saying something like this…
“I shared something difficult to speak about with you and you made fun of it. That hurt my feelings and I expect you to be more careful going forward.
I will warn you if something is a sensitive topic for me first next time so you can be aware beforehand, so we can avoid this happening again.”
Yes, you absolutely should tell her your feelings. This is called communication and is the key to making a relationship work. You have to voice up when something bothers you. Ask her why she laughed at it, tell her how you felt. If she is being judgmental, well, hate to say it, but I would dump her.
You should definitely talk to her about how that made you feel. In my experience most guys thoroughly enjoy being pegged once they have the courage to try it.
Not to kink shame as unlike pegging guys myself. But many women resort to laughing to express themselves. If it’s done in a mockery by tone it’s different. But if it was light-hearted and joking then I would think it’s a misunderstanding possibly.
I’d say first probe to see how she really feels about it. If you tell get your feelings she might close up to you sexually.
Tell her. You opened up about something deeply personal and she laughed. You are not overreacting at all. If she brushes off the laughing tell her how it hurt you. If she brushes that off, time to move on.
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It might seem like a silly thing to lead to a break up but do you want to be with someone who laughs when you make yourself vulnerable?
There is a good chance though she laughed at the idea of it, not you. When something comes out of the blue like that it can make people nervous-laugh pretty easily. Let’s be honest, sex stuff can be silly but make sure to tell her that it hurt.
Bail now while you can you leave on bad terms she’ll tell everybody
Laughter can be a kneejerk reaction to feeling a bit uncomfortable. But she does need to know how you felt when she laughed.
This might help:
Everyone has the right to decide what they do and don’t want to do in bed. But sometimes fears and misconceptions around Pegging can get in the way of responding rather than reacting to those myths and assumptions.
For this reason I am a fan of having accurate information before the final decision is made. In that spirit, I recorded two podcasts; one for givers and one for receivers.
• Givers: https://peggingparadise.com/blog/2015/09/podcast-112-for-the-ladies/
• Receivers: https://peggingparadise.com/2019/12/podcast-253-for-the-gentlemen
These recordings address all the usual fears and misconceptions, offer accurate information and emphasize the relationship, not trying to convince. You need to listen to it first before playing it for your partner, because only you can decide if it is appropriate for them. So far, these podcasts have gotten rave reviews. Good luck!
Personally I’d be curious if she was trying to humiliate you on purpose. It’s somewhat related to pegging (especially in porn).
She’ll hopefully learn that trying new things sexually is very important in a relationship. Doing the same thing every time gets boring.
I don’t think laughing is inherently wrong of her to do. It doesn’t sound like she was laughing at you or making fun of you she was just shocked by you being interested in it. I would say you are overreacting a bit here.
This sucks . A lot of guys aren’t into it at all she’s lucky you’re willing to try this stuff!
I think as far as sexual things go, pegging is one of those things that has acquired meme status. There is a chance she may have be laughing at it because of the meme and not because of the act or your desires itself.
> And to the people that consider this something worth immediately breaking up over, I hope you find true love one day.
And throw it away the next. LOL.