Throwaway account –
Girlfriend(24f) and I live together(28m) She went out with a friend to the movies. No issues with that what so ever. She ended up falling asleep and so did I. I woke up and her phone was playing on some video. I ended up staying up and browsing Reddit on my phone while too lazy to shut off her low volume video on the floor. Got caught up watching kitten videos when I funnily remembered we had been recording the cats off her phone earlier that day.
As you know one thing led to another, and I was browsing the the saved video on her snap chat saved videos. Ended up sending a few to myself no issues when I noticed a name unfamiliar with her regular friends she messaged. Stupidly I opened it and saw some messages back and forth. She went to the movies alright, with a male friend and for sure from what I read they made out. I’m sick to my stomach. Read the messages, got dressed while she was asleep, tapped her on her backside gently to wake her and told her. Hey I saw everything on Snapchat, thanks for that and told her I was leaving.
I left and I’m gone now, it’s 12:55 my time (AZ) and I’m lost. I lost a lot of my family these past years with Covid. I’m 28 and I don’t know what to do. We have an apartment together – we have cats together. She’s blowing me up begging to go back but I can’t right now. Unfortunately i don’t know where to go. I messaged one friend this late With the hopes I can get somewhere to stay. Just paid rent and don’t have much to my name either.
What do I do? I work from home and I don’t want anything to do with her but I’m lost. We’re both on the lease, car is under her name. Please point me in the right direction someone please??!
** UPDATE ** (4:30) AZ time.
I left this morning to clear my head and just get away from the whole situation. The whole time I was gone, she was calling and texting. I respond with leave me tf alone, there’s nothing to talk about. I blocked her and she would message on messenger. Long story short I headed home with the understanding that she would leave me the hell alone and just give me my space. I also told her I didn’t wanna be around her and to go grocery shopping or something. When I got back to our apartment where I have my desk for work and also my gaming systems. We have a TV in there for Netflix.
All my shit was basically broken… the whole time I was out. She thought it was okay to go ballistic. I salvaged as much as I could and I am for sure gone. Goodbye. I told her she was lucky I didn’t call the police on her and then I called her family and they came over. I left with my phone dead and some salvaged work / gaming stuff. I’m soooooooooo exhausted mentally and can’t believe how much of a grown ass woman child she turned into.
We’re done, we’re done, I’m leaving now and typing this as a friend comes for me. What the FUCK is wrong with people?
A lot of people been asking about our kittens and right now she’s going to have to manage. I’m not speaking to this girl for at least a week. Then at that time I’ll figure out how to manage that.
47 comments
Sell all her shit and use it to get your own place.
Damn dude, that’s really rough. Finding out something like that has to be absolutely gut wrenching.
It’s okay to take some time to yourself and breathe. You don’t need to do anything right away.
You aren’t going to figure everything out right away. It takes time to think and process.
Just breathe, you’ll be okay.
You are going to have to go home and takeover a room or section of the house. Consider yourself single and keep doing the things you need to do to keep your life functional while you figure it out. Don’t forget to eat and sleep. You have no questions, you have your answers it’s up to you and your bad ass self now to get it on
she went to the movies with some guy, they “made out”, and then they were talking about making out on snapchat later that same night?
she wasn’t acting strange when she came home or anything?
she fell asleep and left her phone on the floor…playing videos?
idk dude. this sounds kinda fishy.
You go back to this appartement right now. She moves out. Make her sleep on the couch.
Sounds like you have to dump a girlfriend and now live with her as a roommate until you figure something out.
I suggest go back to apartment afterall is part yours
First get all the facts what exactly happened. Ask why she did it and why didn’t ahe just left you instead. Some people need to know stuff like thatbto move on if you wish to move on. I don’t know how long where you with her but if it’s just few months rather move on then try to fix something that broke ao early on.
If you want to breakup with her then you two need to figure living stuff. Can she move out or you? If not right away then next month or two? In meanwhile you will have to live together until one moves out.
If by any chnace you forgive her then make boundaries about certain things.
Keep your head up king. It hurts, but you have to do what you have to do while you get things in order. That includes stomaching your disgust with her. It’s a blessing you found out now, instead of you two having more established things like marriage, kids, and a house. Either way bro, find your strength and push through. You’ll get some support once friends and family wake up in the morning. Like another commenter said, go to a diner to grab a coffee and some food. Shut your phone off to ignore her messages. Use this time to clear your head and plan out your next steps. Pull out a pen and paper to take down your thoughts. Bless up bro.
Sorry about your slag of a girlfriend, but at least you found out before you got married. You’ll know what red flags to look out for next time. Don’t let certain things slide just because you don’t want to be called “insecure”. It’s a manipulation tactic. She’s going to keep the car. As for the lease, have her pay half of the lease-break fee. Good luck, mate.
Can you take off work tomorrow to clear your head? Where are you now? Can you go to a hotel or cafe?
You should move back. I think you should stay roommates, your love life is ruined but don’t ruin your financial life. Go back and tell her that now you would live like roommates but strangers and you don’t want to do anything with her. Set up your separate life clear and continue trying to make a living to move out. Don’t accept her apology unless she really has an excuse for it or she really tries to fix her mistakes for you.
I’m sorry that you’re in this kind of situation. Now you probably feel sad, confused, and hurt. It’s okay for you to feel that way. I hope your friend will contact you soon. I understand how difficult it is to go back and face the person who has broken our hearts so badly.
Maybe you will sit down for a moment. And take this time to understand what’s going on and how you’re feeling.
Take your time.
All you need right now is time and space to deal with your thoughts. And including friends who will support you.
Take some time and let your thoughts and feelings flow through you. Until when you feel better. And you feel ready to confront her again, then go.
You will get through it, trust me ☺️
(English is not my first language. So, if I’m using a wrong words or gramma, I’m sorry)
Talk to her about living situations. Maybe one of you will have an easier time to find another place to live/ live with family? Can you work out a scedule so that you can spend as little time as possible with eachother even if you’re under the same roof?
Brace yourself for having to deal with that you have different agendas. She will probably try to win you back. I think that the best ”revenge” is to be very calm and cold about that the relationship is over and simply focus on the practical stuff.
If you want to learn about what happened and talk with her about your anger/sadness then that’s totally understandable and ok, but that might make her believe that there is still hope.
When you go back obviously it’s going to be a very emotional situation. If I can give you any bit of advice be the gray rock. Don’t react and don’t attack. That is the power position.
How you handled this was perfect.
Go home and tell her from this day forward, everything is 50/50 till the lease is up.
Then move out if you can and if not, Friends/ family.
Do not talk to her. Don’t let her beg. Don’t help her. Don’t console her.
Don’t lend her money. Don’t give her a lift.
Don’t greet her. Don’t ask her how she is.
She is now a scam business deal.
You have nothing to do with her. Wear headphones all the time if you can and don’t let her ask to talk. Don’t let her explain.
Turn the music up louder if she tries.
If I were in your shoes, I’d start by asking myself these 2 questions: 1. Why are you outside, in the streets? 2. Why is she not?
Don’t leave your home for this. She’s making out with dudes, she’s got somewhere else to stay.
That’s your home. You’ll be paying for it till you end your lease, so go make the most of it. I’d start having friends over all the time, even better if they’re women.
She fucked up, not you.
You need to end the relationship. She openly cheated on you, she doesn’t feel sorry for actually cheating she feels sorry for getting caught because cheating never accidentally happens it’s always on purpose. You remove your name from the lease to ensure you do not get billed for it.
You still have an apartment. That’s your home too. Make her realize that. Good luck king.
Sounds like you gotta break up? Personally I don’t see the point in ever working through cheating. It almost **always** ends badly. For both people.
Definitely don’t stay with someone because it’s convenient, especially if she’s cheating.
You go back home. You tell her that your decision to breakup won’t be changing because she made an active effort to go out of her way and behind your back to cheat on you. And if she says, “we just made out”, then you can respond with “and you were planning on doing more since you already went that far, so that’s no excuse”. She betrayed you, plain and simple. After that, you go gray rock and just only interact with her for professional purposes like rent and taking care of the cats until your lease is up or you can find a way to get yourself removed from the lease agreement.
why are you the one leaving? she cheated you did nothing wrong. she should leave
She can take the couch while one of you figures out who is moving out. If its not until the lease is over then itll just be an awkward X months.
Seems from your other posts that you have self-worth and wont be taking her back which is good.
Save as much as you can during this weird period and build yourself back up.
What a fucking G. Go back to the apartment go back to bed and tell her she pays rent and sleeps on the couch or that guys house while still paying rent since she wanted things like this.
Talk to her and figure things out with the apartment at least. Don’t just run away from the issue.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/8wo8xw/update_i_31m_found_out_my_fiance_cheated_during/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Go through this thread and would suggest to follow the same path as this guy did.
Whatever you do make sure the cats stay together and end up with whoever takes best care of them.
Go back wait for that check. Act like you’re cool with her and find new housing while you’re staying in your crib that you fucking paid for!!! Do not let her see you searching for any new places or anything. Best revenge is letting her think she got away with this and thinking she got you back. And get all your shit or whatever matters to you the most and move. You got it made just dip when the time is right. It might be hard because you’ve gone through a lot and clearly the one you thought you could confide in was not the right choice, that’s OKAY! Worry about YOU. Don’t put yourself through more turmoil by stressing to find a new place and borrow money etc for food etc. You’ll end up having to go on Couples court or some bullshit like that to get your money back – further pain stress embarrassment! Again just act like shit is cool and dip once you’ve gotten paid and have your new place.
This is why living with GF nowadays scares me, modern society is lost.
For example I live in the same complex as my parents and grandma , imagine this situation or even married ☹️
Shit sucks man. Been there
You can come stay with me if you want
Take your ass back home. Focus on work and tell her she needs to figure out where she’s going to stay. If she wants to stay fine since you’re both on the lease. Work save up your money so you can move out and get on with your life. It’s time we stop being dumb and realize that if the shoe was on the other foot these women would already dumb us and move on with life
Be single… everyone cheats just be single fuck who will let you and move on ….its the way to live.
She was having fun telling her friends she made out with another guy so she clearly has somewhere to go. Tell her she has a month to get her shit and leave, she clearly has many friends and apparently a new boy toy to save her from the streets. If she refuses to move Talk to your landlord and try to work something out with getting a separate apartment in the building hopefully you’ll be to if she decides she wants to stay.
Sending you all the positive good vibes I can right now. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I really hope that your future is bright, and you never have to go through this kind of heart ache again ❤️
My dude…call the cops and have her removed from your apartment. She stepped out, let her stay out on those streets where she belongs. She owes you for your destroyed property. Don’t let your whatever feelings get in the way of that. She sure didn’t let no feelings get in the way of destroying your property
If she’s the one doing the cheating, then she’s the one who needs to leave, not you. Don’t let her infidelity push you out of your home. She made her bed elsewhere and she can go lay in it. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself. Advertise for a new roommate, etc.
So she committed an act of domestic violence against you by breaking your things and you can have the police remover her so you have a place to stay and work while you figure shit out and she does whatever…
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s pretty shitty.
did u copy/backup the proof of her cheating?
if so report it broken to either police or at least her parents. make them pay for the broken stuff. don’t just run, it’s ur shit man, u paid for it. Also look for the conversation about the apartnent, cats etc. if not with her go to her parents.
don’t just give up.
It’s refreshing to see someone decisively end it over cheating. I wish you the best.
Hey from England 👋
Just wanted to reach out and say I’m sorry this happened to you, it’ll soon be a memory and you will think thank god you found out now instead of down the line married with kids. I know everyone has different opinions but I’m a strong believer that you were meant to find that info to get onto the right path you’re meant for – similar happened to me a couple weeks ago so I feel your pain from a woman’s pov
Completely agree with if you can, cut your losses and move forward and keep your head high
You should review your lease. There may be an option to break it if both parties agree and one of you takes over. Definitely don’t leave tho, so you aren’t stuck paying for the place. Also make sure she’s actually paying her part so she doesn’t damage your credit. Secondly, take pictures of the damage she caused bc you can take her to small claims for the property damage. I believe you’ll need to report it. Finally, record all conversations with her. If she already showed her true colors, she could make things…. bad for you. Sorry your going thru this OP. I hope things work out for you.
You should press charges on her for destroying your stuff if you have receipts and pictures, I’m sorry this is happening to you keep recording whenever you’re around her in case she threatens self harm so you can send it to her parents. Hope everything gets better for you you don’t deserve this
Ok so you should absolutely file a police report about your broken stuff.
1. You should not have to pay for any of it and
2. She might’ve given you an out of your lease.
A lot of places have a domestic violence clause where you might be eligible to break the lease without repercussions. Check out your tenant laws.
And let’s me just say that your ex-girlfriend has some audacity, to cheat on you and then break your shit on top? Don’t let this go, man. I know everything is overwhelming now but you don’t deserve this. File a report and press charges.
Do not leave without taking your name off the lease. I agree with others saying to record all of your interactions with her in case she decides to go a step further.
Edit: before anyone says property damage is not domestic violence…when someone breaks your stuff, they do it with the intention to hurt you and terrorize you emotionally. This is absolutely domestic violence. In some cases you can even get a protection order. OP you need to look this up and do whatever you can to get out of your lease if you’re not staying.
If it’s only your name on the lease kick her out and call the cops on her for destroying your stuff get a restraining order as well
Aww mate this is aweful! Heart goes out to you.
Such a shitty experience. You did not deserve that. Here’s to life giving you better.
I’m so sorry 😢
Impressive how you handled that all so well. Well done. Well done.