Last night my husband went insane because I said it feels like we’re more so friends than husband and wife. He knows why I feel this way and I always try to approach it in a nice calm way and then he promises to change but it’s right back to the same old same old but anyways after I said that he got up and started calling me a cunt, bitch, said I’m ugly and then I got so stressed out that I had a seizure (stress makes them worse) I fell over and hit my head and I was screaming for him to help me and he said “good, lay there and pass away pig” He threw his ring and tried ripping mine off then fell asleep in the floor. I’m literally so disgusted and broken. He said I make him this way… I’m just so confused:( I never knew saying what I did could cause a person to get that angry😞 he tends to get nasty every time I try to address our problems (never this awful though) and it’s all very easy fixable issues we have so I don’t get this. All I can do is blame myself now for even saying anything.
30 comments
Please, please, please go get help. There are help lines. Bc that man sounds like he is willing to let you die. Get out of that situation asap. Contact family friends cops frak anyone. Get help asap
This is not your fault. If his feelings for you have changed, he should kindly tell you this and start to discuss ending the marriage as compassionately as possible. Good people do not abuse others for any reason.
Do NOT let him blame you for his faults. You did nothing wrong. I hope you can get separated from this jerk.
Not your fault, you need a mantra as you have done nothing to deserve that treatment. You deserve a happy, healthy relationship end of. Please get help to get away from him x
Hes abusive. You are not. You are never going to get it because your a decent person. Abusers live in their own twisted world. The reasoning he uses is the fantasy that comes with that. Its not grounded in reality or true reasoning. Get out now.
It’s NEVER your fault when you’re abused. Leave. Don’t try and change him. Abusers never change. As a matter of fact you should have him arrested and file a police report for spousal battery and abuse of a disabled person. Then get a restraining order, throw his no good shithead ass out the house and never look back.
His choices made him the way he is not you. This is abuse and he is disgusting for how he treated you. You deserve better and shouldn’t settle for this crappy life with a man who could care less about you. Take your self worth else where
Jesus… no way! Get out asap.
You make him this way? Is he a child!? I’m sorry, but only children have outbursts (tantrums) like that because they are children & have trouble regulating their emotions. Adults have self control. Some more than others obviously. He needs some help controlling his behavior when faced with negative emotions or feelings, especially when it comes to the feelings of others. There’s never any excuse for how he behaved. And it’s abuse. If he doesn’t seek the help he needs, this will never end. He’s not even willing to take any accountability for how he reacts so I doubt he will ever be able to discuss your emotions or feelings like an adult. Hard to navigate the emotions of others when you can’t even control your own emotions in a respectful way.
Leave this man. He’s an animal. Period. You aren’t safe with him.
No one is responsible for the way he acted except for him. You are never responsible for how someone else acts, he is telling you this as a way to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. Your feelings are valid and you deserve to be able to express them without being afraid of being abused. Please seek help, the fact that he didn’t help you when you were having a seizure is very scary. Do you have family or friends you could stay with for a while?
Edit: spelling
Uhhhh wtf. You had a seizure and he didn’t even help? He just called you names? Absolutely terrible. I dont care how mad i am at my husband. Seeing that would send me into a panic and i would be helping him as best as i could. Please be careful this doesn’t seem safe at all
Please listen. You are NOT responsible for how someone reacts. There are plenty of people who act calmly in even the most stressful situations, and he’s not one of them. He’s abusive, period. You don’t cause that. He’s gaslighting you by making you feel like it’s your fault. Please take everyone’s advice in the comments and find a way out. He did nothing to help with your seizure, and if you died from that it would be his fault due to negligence. If he cared about you he would have helped.
Abuse victims are NEVER the reason. Get out, and get help.
Thank you all! I’m shaking badly and just wish this was all one big stupid nightmare I could wake up from:(
What did I just read, Jesus Christ . This man is ready for u to die , he has so much hate in his heart . Please get help , that is not a husband , he’s a devil. Don’t blame yourself for anything, I don’t understand how good women end up with demons.
I was married to a man like your husband. I got out when he held a knife to my neck and said he was going to kill me. Being single again gave me the opportunity to meet my current husband. He is loving and respectful. He has never called me names even once. I finally know what marriage is supposed to be like. I hope you get to find out, too. It’s scary to get out at first, but it gets better quickly!
Wow. This is the worst type of domestic abuse I’ve read on Reddit ever.
You know exactly what to do.
You didn’t make him that way. He’s an asshole. He’s abusive and you need to get out.
He doesn’t love you, because you don’t talk to people the way he talks to you if you love them.
You say you feel like roommates. I’m guessing you have a dead bedroom and he doesn’t initiate sex or have sex. You bring it up and he gets angry?
Leave! Calling you names and not providing care after you had a seizure? Telling you basically that you should die?
What kind of monster did you marry? Get out!!!!!!!!!
No of course not, it has nothing to do with you, he’s an abusive dangerous person!
He doesn’t need a reason to be abusive. You don’t trigger him. He looks for ways to blame you for his behavior. That is part of the abuse. This is like a cat blaming the mouse for the mouse’s demise.
Get out as fast as you can. He will escalate and you need to be as far away as possible. This will not end. He will apologize and obfuscate but it will happen again on any pretext and it will get worse. Escape and get some therapy so that you can learn to avoid this kind of partner in the future.
This is the textbook for abusers – they turn it around and use whatever they know you’ll believe and feel insecure about to blame the abuse on. Abuse is NOT your fault.
wtf man, this is a common behaviour of abusers. they try to blame you. whereas the abuser is at fault 100%.
tell friends and family and leave without him noticing to not risk getting injured or beat up, maybe tell the police
this behaviour is NOT okay
You had a seizure and your husband threw his ring at you? Sounds like it’s time to find a better husband. Sweet Jeezus, when my kid has a seizure, I take off the rest of the day to be with him, not take off my wedding band and throw it at him.
BTW, I try to avoid using the term because it’s so often misused but He’s Gaslighting You. He’s the problem and it sounds like he’s trying to make you question your sense of your objective reality.
oh my god. Please reevaluate this relationship. nothing is worth this.
These are not fixable issues. This is terrifying and familiar and sick. Get away as soon as you physically can.
Omg OP this is not normal. You are NOT to blame. Abusers LOVE to convince Do not tell him you are leaving, just leave. Get out ASAP please!
No one causes someone else to abuse them. Abuse is an intentional choice that the inflictor chooses to do upon the victim.
Someone who loves you would not call you all these names then cause the sheer amount of stress that triggers your seizures.
He literally told you to pass away. Someone who loves you would call 911 for medical attention.
This guy does not love you. Please get out to somewhere safe, because he is not safe to be around.
Record! Film! Document! Record all of it! Hide Nanny cams! You need all the evidence you can. He’s a literal monster.
This is not your fault. For your safety you need to go stay some place else while you work on divorcing him. He is NOT going to change.