Can you actually meet people IRL?

36 comments

1. Grocery store, Walmart, bank, etc. if you see someone interesting, introduce yourself.

2. I feel like that is the big question. I have the same challenge. But I deleted all of my OLD accounts because I am finding that people have an abundance mentality that keeps anyone from finding someone. Instead, everyone enjoys a minimal few dates until the slightest hint of some small difference between each other and keeps swiping with the idea there is something else just around the corner.

3. I don’t try to pick up strangers in real life. I have received enough messaging that some women do not want to be bothered by men as they go about thier day at the gym, work, grocery store, or having drinks with their girlfriends. I hear some women are open to it, and wish it happened more, but I don’t know which way the stranger feels. So, I just don’t do it.

   I feel like meeting people on dating apps allows them to signal they do want to be approached and they have control over when they open their apps. So, it’s inherently more respectful than bothering strangers in public.

   I do love it when women come up to say something nice to me in public. It’s been happening a lot lately. But, I still usually just thank them for the compliment and move on with my day. I don’t want women to think that saying something nice to a man will trigger the man to try to get in her pants. So, I don’t.

   If you want to pick up men like me in public, you’ll basically need to ask me or slip me your number. Even if I think you might be hinting at things, I will still err on the side of not being the creep trying to get in your pants.

4. I wonder the same… maybe through friends or at work (wfh is not very helpful here). I still hope it will just happen… he’ll look up from his phone, our eyes will meet, and we’ll just fall in love! A girl can dream!

5. It’s really hard nowadays to meet people irl. So many people consider it weird and creepy to just go up to a random stranger and start talking, compared to years ago.

6. >he got the yips

   is this some new STD i need to know about?

7. I’ve never been chatted up or approached by any man in real life. I live in a notoriously unfriendly city of repressed people, but it’s literally never happened to me in any setting so I don’t know how it would start happening to me now. Equally, I almost never look at a man once and think ‘I’d like to fuck him and maybe live and procreate with him’ so in terms of me approaching guys in public myself, that’s a bit of a hindrance. Also, meeting someone in public, you don’t know if they are single, if they have or want kids, if they are a smoker, if they do drugs, what their education level is, do they have a job, are they just looking for hookups…

   I also wfh and my hobbies are more attractive to older men or gays (if any men at all). At one point I contemplated branching out into a hobby that might have some eligible bachelors, e.g. sports, but if I don’t actually enjoy doing them, then what is the point? I also don’t think sports clubs are bursting at the seams with 35+ single men ready to start a family, but I could be wrong.

   All this to say, idk if meeting in real life has that many advantages, except maybe being able to skip the hours and hours of chemistry-free dates it takes to meet one person I fancy.

8. This is really disheartening. Yes you can meet people in real life, why the hell not ? Don’t limit yourself to talking to men you find attractive for the sole purpose of dating, just talk to everyone. Strike up conversations with random people in random places with no intentions. People are super interesting and fun. After doing that it’ll seem natural to talk to random people and before you know it one of those encounters may turn into a relationship

9. Your life doesn’t sound very conducive to meeting someone in real life. It is, however, common and one of the reasons that dating apps have become so popular. They provide you with an opportunity to meet people who are also expressing an interest in meeting people and being able to do so from home and around the rest of your life.

   You could either make some big changes to your personal social life to put yourself into situations where you have the opportunity to meet other singles… or not give up on the apps because the first guy you made a connection with turned out to be a bit of a flake.

   Personally, I think you’ll find that giving the apps a full chance is a lot more productive and less disruptive to your situation than trying to jump into new IRL social situations. Will there be annoyances and issues with navigating the apps and setting up good dates? Sure, but everything takes work.

10. Apparently most people are afraid to meet new people. I’ve got my two kids and do the solo dad thing. I moved to a new town a couple years ago and things are hard. It’s basically me and the kids and work and tending to domestic chores. Trying to save for things like orthodontist visit for my son and saving for a house, cooking dinners and cleaning house. I don’t feel like I’m much of a catch and my life is pretty mundane. I rarely have time for myself or dating. I’d rather much meet somebody organically through work or an activity than online. I stopped trying.

11. It all comes down to lifestyle. I live alone, go out a lot, DJ, participate in social hobbies and have very wide social circles that include plenty of available people. I meet new people every weekend.

    When people say it’s “difficult to meet people these days”, it just means that they’ve chosen or slipped into a lifestyle that is not conducive to meeting people and making sexual and romantic connections in the real world.

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13. I sure hope you can.

    I’m a single mom though with 50/50 custody, so I do have a very decent hunk of time to get out there on my own. After a break up last year, I just never picked up apps again. Instead, I threw myself into activities with friends, taking up a class for a hobby and got seriously back into Meetup groups.

    I’m not DOING any of these things to meet anyone, but if it happens? I’d be happy. My biggest observation is to try to do something that you can do on a regular basis. Most people you see (like in a store, or a coffee shop) you will likely never see again, but something like weekly trivia, or a weekly class you take over and over, you are more likely to build rapport with someone, or make friends. Those friends may know someone. Networking is so important.

14. Do you have family members / sitters / nanny that can watch the kids at night so you can go on dates?

15. I think if you’re open and friendly things can happen organically while you’re doing the things you love. Like, I struck up a bit of a thing with a guy while hiking last year lol. We stopped and talked to each other several times along the trail. If we had bumped into each other at the end of the trail I would have asked for his number…or maybe he would have asked for mine first. There was obvious mutual interest, we just missed that last connection. But it’s proof to me these things can happen and not to give up hope lol.

    And that’s another thing, if you’re a woman who thinks the guy should always make the first move then you need to let go of that way of thinking to meet people organically. Men are scared to approach women. I’ve been approached one time that wasn’t in a bar. And ya know, my son was with me so I DID think it was a bit weird even though the guy was cute and seemed normal. Guys don’t want to come off as creepy. So don’t be afraid to be the first to strike up conversation.

16. You can def meet people IRL.

    I been running a meetup for over 10 years and I seen many relationships form. Some short term, some long term and even a couple of marriages. All people that joined my meetup and met their SO through it.

    The secret is to pursue your best life and try to surround yourself with good people.

17. Were there any guys that were not really amazing but actually OK?

18. Absolutely you can. I WFH but I’ve made it a point to go work from cafes a few days a week. I talk to people opportunistically when I’m in the cafe. People have asked me about books I’m reading and vice versa. I talk to people at my rock climbing gym (and in the regular weights area too when the opportunity arises). I also go to social stuff that matches my interests – free workout groups like November Project, volunteer litter pickups, community events, etc. You can meet people anywhere, you just have to be willing to go outside of your comfort zone. It’s hard and a little scary at times but it won’t kill ya 🙂

19. It’s harder than it once was and hard in general, but yes, I believe you can. All the people I know who are in long term relationships at the moment actually did meet IRL, including some women who met their partners in their mid-late thirties. It sounds cliche, but I think part of it is staying open and being open if someone approaches you or you meet someone at a bar, party, through friends, etc. Not saying it’s easy but neither is OLD, and frankly, I’d rather be single longer than do something I truly do not enjoy that drains my energy (which is how I feel about being on the apps at the moment).

20. Of course you can. Most people don’t like meeting strangers online. They meet through their social circle.

21. I met my girl friend live doing what we both love! It’s possible and happens out of nowhere. The key is to get out there and do things that interest you. Try meet up.com and go to some events. That worked very well for me!

22. Pixar film about single parents navigating their social life and their kids… do I smell the next blockbuster hit from Pixar??? Let’s write it up and live off the royalties!!!

23. There isn’t much of a distinction between the strangers you meet on OLD and the strangers you’ll meet IRL. The only reason IRL tends to work “better” is because usually the people you meet to date in real life are people that are in your social/work circle and not total strangers. So if you don’t really meet people IRL regularly, giving up on OLD isn’t going to all of a sudden make that better.

24. girl i have no idea but please let me know if you find out. it’s so hard :/
    everyone i know is married or dating and i don’t have any single friends and it’s like wtf am i doing wrong

25. “IRL” ??texting great thing for some,but in reality is not real life to find “the one” takes time and patience and to meet is a must, you yourself can then take a step back and make your own mind up

26. I totally hear you hun it’s so true when kids are in school that’s our time evening times are there’s as are weekends so this makes it so hard to allow for someone new to come into our circle as ok one thing for us to chat with a guy but to actually trust them into our children’s lives is whole other thing 😊

27. I spent 3 years on dating apps before becoming severely burnt out. Yes you can meet people in real life! I met my fiancé 3 months after I quit IRL. I asked all my friends if they knew any single guys who weren’t douchebags lol. They set me up with him (I put it off for a few months because I was soooo burnt out on dating) and 3.5 years from that first date we’ll be getting married :).

    So my best advice is to ask literally all your friends if they know any single guys that don’t suck. My fiancé is my friend’s younger sister’s husband’s best friend haha.

28. I’ve been off the apps for a few weeks now, and have actually had quite a few IRL interactions! No one I’m interested in pursuing, sadly. What’s been working for me is to go places alone (gym, farmers market, coffee shop, etc) on a regular schedule. I’m friendly with everyone and that seems to embolden guys to strike up a conversation and usually ask for my number. Although I haven’t met anyone that I’m interested in yet, it’s good practice just talking to people.

29. Same issue here (37F). I’ve pretty much given up on dating altogether. The most I can offer someone is a casual hookup every blue moon. I’m just so over all of it. I told myself that of I ever want to date again, I would have to meet someone in IRL. I’m thinking of finding a group of single parents to do kid friendly things with to meet people. If I can’t find one I might start one.

30. I feel for you I’m in the same boat internet dating is terrible I’m starting to think decent men don’t exist but where can you meet men irl when all your friends are married and you have kids and don’t want to go clubbing alone it’s so hard

31. Yes,I hear ya,but I would rather go up to a lady in a bar and talk to her rather than hide behind a key board,I just think ipersonality is very important and that is easily figured out face to face ,just my opinion

32. honestly since I had omicron back in January I can’t use old anymore I find it so boring lately I try to talk to girls in person I found it easier to tell if there a connection

33. Best way to do it! OLD is a drag, I went out into the wild and met a lovely woman who turned this free living bachelor into a free living love. It was nice to have the chance to get to know someone straight up without judging a profile on its pics and one liners.

34. Ive done tinder and met a few guys in the wild at and the guys I met organically were batshit crazy haha so idk. Neither is better or worse IMO, in both cases you only have attraction to go on pretty much

35. What I did? Stay single until they reach the age to stay alone at home. Sad but true.

36. I think on meetup there are groups for single parents who are trying to meet others too.