My (26f) husband (30m) is a drug addict with 11 felony drug and theft charges. We have been married for 4 years, 1 year and 3 months of those 4 years, he spent in prison. He has been home for over 2 years and has been clean and sober, which I am very proud of him for. We have 3 children, 9, 3 and 2. Over the past 2 years I have had to beg for attention from him, my depression has gotten so severe that I have cried to him about wanting to end my life, to look up and see him playing on his phone. He works from 7am-7pm, I work from 5am to 3pm. We have no days off together. Every night he stays up late watching tv and sleeps on the couch while I cry myself to sleep. He yells and cusses at me when we argue and also when he just wakes up late or any small thing inconveniences him, and blames me for all of his troubles. I have begged him multiple times not to be mean and hateful to me, cried while he was screaming at me for him to just scream and cuss more. Over the past month I have been trying to leave him. Now he is bringing home flowers and trying to be nicer but I have lost the feelings for him that I once had and it just isn’t enough for me to forgive him and work on our marriage.
I finally packed a bag and have been staying with a friend. I spend my time after work with the kids, he comes home at 7, we have dinner and put the kids to bed at 8-8:30 and then I go sleep on my friends couch, we planned to do this until our lease is up and we both continue to pay rent at our home because the home is for our children. I left Saturday night… Tuesday afternoon CPS showed up at my house saying that Sunday afternoon they had a report come in that my 2 and 3 year old were filthy and in the front yard unsupervised. This was a false report because my husband and children spent the day at his mothers house. No one was home at all. My children have NEVER been unsupervised and they have a bath every single day.
I came home and told him I would stay until the case was over so there wouldn’t be any reason for them to think the children were in an unstable environment.
I don’t know who called CPS Making a false report, but I feel that it was him, or his mom, in an attempt to scare me out of leaving him, or to try to obtain custody of my babies in case I tried to keep them from him. I would never take my babies from him, but here are the reasons I think he had a hand in it.
He told me that this was a blessing in disguise because now I had to stay in the home instead of leaving.
He also told me that it’s not a big deal they are involved as long as we can prove to them we are good parents and that the children are seeing us in a loving and happy marriage.
His sister in law tried to leave my husbands step brother and then they got a CPS case that scared her so she stayed. Their report was similar about small children being filthy and left unsupervised.
I can’t shake the feeling that he and his parents concocted a plan to get me to stay and that his parents were involved in his step brothers CPS case as well.
4 comments
Yiiiikkkkkes.
If you can’t trust him or his family then how can you go on? Not only don’t you trust him but you don’t like him anymore. Get a lawyer and talk about how you can proceed. Many lawyers have free consultations…you’ll need to pay something eventually, but at least to get started knowing what moves you have to make to ensure you and your kids are safe.
Sorry to read about this. Having spent some time in the ADC, I can say from experience that Jail does weird things to people. I’m sure that Prison distorts the personality even more, since it’s harder and longer time than the local ADC. Add Recovery/Sobriety on top of that, that’s just Anger Central, especially if you’re not involved in 12 Step or other support program.
I seriously don’t know how anybody can possibly think that getting CPS involved in family matters can be a good thing UNLESS there is actual abuse/neglect involved. Even if there’s nothing there, well, CPS Social Workers still have to write reports and review cases. There’s lots of room there for misunderstanding or worse.
I’ve never been divorced or had to deal with child custody issues, but it seems to me that you have a “slam dunk” case against him. Unless his parents are willing to shell out a big chunk of change to get him a really good lawyer, or unless you’ve got some sordid past that you haven’t revealed, I just don’t know see how he can prevail against you.
My advice: next time round, don’t get involved with a Convict, especially if they’re still in Prison or recently paroled.
I don’t think you moving back in so you can play “happy family” for CPS is a good idea. You think he created a false CPS case to trap you, yet you’re going along with it. It also creates a situation where 1) if you lie to CPS and they find out it looks bad for you and 2) if CPS finds concerns about his parenting they might take the kids away from both of you.
You need to leave him. Reach out to your CPS worker and tell them about how his family did a similar thing to your SIL. You would get custody since you have a clean record, work. They won’t trust a word your husband says since he’s an addict and been in prison.