So.. you’re sitting on the sofa with the love of your life. 10 years together and you couldn’t be happier. Her phone is on the sofa between you and it beeps. You look down and see the name of her ex (who she isn’t in contact with since you’ve been together as far as you’re aware) appear before the notification disappears. You say nothing and she ignores the phone for a few minutes.
She then picks it up and comments that a mutual friend commented on her Insta post (as if that was the message that came in). You say, oh did that just come in? Yes, she says.
What would you do?
26 comments
Call Dick Tracy.
Tell her she can show you the message or pack a bag.
You obviously ask her about it. You call her out immediately and tell her that you know it was her ex that messaged and you want an explanation. Don’t play games.
Note: The only reason you wouldn’t do this is because you secretly snooped her phone and it wasn’t just an accident that you saw the text. If that’s the story then this problem started long before this one message.
10 years together? Go to counseling and talk about it there
Well this isn’t trust issues, She straight up lied to your face. If she had just admitted that her ex commented then it wouldn’t be cause for concern but secrets beget more secrets. I’d ask to see her phone under these circumstances.
I’m not a jealous guy and I couldn’t care less if her ex is still around because I’m confident in myself but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna purposely turn a blind eye when something shady is going on. If she had nothing to hide then she wouldn’t have lied.
I would creep on her phone in secret, cuz if she’s up to something and you ask about it or hint that you know something is going on, she’s 100% going to lie and cover her tracks about it.
But also in any relationship i’ve been in that was even 1/2 as long as that, phone are free game, if you need to google something or call someone or just look at old photos, if there’s nothing anyone’s hiding, it shouldn’t be a big deal to use your partners phone, cuz there shouldn’t be anything you “shouldn’t see” on there.
Ask her about it.
And tell her she doesn’t have to hide the communication she has with her ex, because I trust there’s nothing going on.
I would casually find another woman.
Btw… Trust issues didn’t cause my attitude. Hearing women say every day about how anything a woman chooses to do is something I need to just get over… Caused it.
Trust means nothing. Accountability is everything… And if you aren’t accountible for your actions… Then it doesn’t even matter what you do…. You provide nothing for me that is worth keeping. You are a check that I cant cash
Next.
And that was how I figure out my wife of 21 years was up to no good.
Women + Mobiles often leads to secrecy and deception.
She straight up lied to you. Re evaluate your life sooner rather than later.
Ask if she’s comfortable showing you her phone.
…….. Yeah that’s SUS.
Woof
Got money for a private investigator?
I wouldn’t even bother with asking her.
Sorry but that’s some pretty solid evidence my guy.
All that’s left is to catch her in the act
Sorry buddy.
You been together 10 years and you didnt even call her out right away? Sounds like she has no respect for you because you dont respect yourself
Stating the obvious, if this is the “love of your life” there should be no trust issues nor should there be any secrets or reasons to lie.
Something isn’t adding up.
Leave her
Confront her. You know she is lying.
Oh for God’s sakes, stop pussy footing around ! Ten years together in a loving relationship? Where’s the spontaneity? Just ask her why her ex is contacting her. * eye roll*
She’s put 10 years into a relationship with YOU; Not the ex, you.
Relax my guy. Everyone needs a bit of privacy. She may not want to tell you because it’s private, or she’s worried about your reaction, or whatever. Just chill. You trust her to cook for you, watch you while you sleep, not poison your water, etc., you can trust her on this too. She’ll tell you if she wants/needs too.
A personal anecdote. My ex got a call like this from an old ex. Over the next week I noticed she was taking time to go make phone calls. I lost it. Turns out, it was indeed her ex. But his mother had called her to tell her that he had been in a motorcycle accident. He ended up losing a leg below the knee, and almost paralyzed. My gal was simply offering emotional support to him and his family. Because she’s a good person! They all still appreciated her.
Honestly I was ashamed of my behavior and jealousy. And she was upset because it meant that I thought of her as someone who would cheat and lie. We never recovered.
She lied, and she’s still friends with her ex. I’m already out the door cause apparently those 10 years meant something different to her.
Confront her immediately. Obvious that she lied who it is. Be honest and tell her what you saw so no games. If she wants to continue lying then pack a bag and hit up her hottest female friend for a place to crash.
How are you two together for 10 years and you still don’t know how to communicate with one another?
Just tell her that her phone screen caught your attention, so you glanced at it and you noticed her ex’s name on the notification, then talk about it.
Maybe she just didn’t want to ruin a good evening/time with you. Sometimes I can get a message from ex’s while sitting with my bf, I just clear it up and even forget to answer or answer in a day or two. I don’t feel a need to tell a bf that an ex just texted, because I would be upset if his ex texted him. So I don’t say anything to not make him upset or worried about anything important. I don’t want to waste a moment only because somebody decided to text me nonsense or send a pic. But if you are worried just ask her.
P.S. I remember when we just started dating and I saw messages from his ex, I always used to ask him in the same minute what and why she texted, because I got upset immediately. He always showed me, it was nonsense. Thanks to my bf , who was patient with that, otherwise we would break up because of my trust issues.
10 years is a long time. Social Media is a destroyer of ALL relationships. It’s her ex, right? Is she suppose to delete, unfriend, block all her exes from Social Media because of you, for you? Does she post quite often to IG? Again, 10 years is a long time together. I would ask her in a non threatening way..’Isnt /wasn’t that your ex, what does he want NOW.’..and listen to what she says. If I’m with any woman that IS suppose to be in a relationship with me and me alone… I have to take into consideration SOCIAL MEDIA PERIOD. Could be nothing but just that, commenting on a post he drunckinly (sic) responded to. Don’t sweat it, you are there with her now.
Hot. Hope he is doing her raw.
I hate lying like that, I would tell her I know her ex texted her because I noticed the notification on her phone when it popped up, but I did not read what it said, and ask her why she lied to me like that.