So, I (44F) have been seeing a guy (32M) for over a year. It is a friend with benefit type situation, but he always comes to my place. We go out, but we never have went back to his place. I asked him a few months back why we never go to his place, and he said mine is more comfortable. I said it was weird that I did not know where he lived and made me feel he was hiding something. He said he is helping a friend out by letting him stay with him and this friend does not like it when people come over.. He also said “I don’t see why where I live matters. It’s not who I am, I like coming to you cause I can get away from where I live. I would do anything to get away from where I am”. Thoughts please and thank you?

38 comments

  2. 12 year age diff. Just a FWB. Either he’s telling you the truth or his story is reversed and he’s the one staying with a friend.

  6. He probably lives with his parents and doesn’t want them to see you, because ofc they would not understand it, and would be strongly against it. He just wants sex without anyone to know, except maybe his friends.

  7. Ahhhh the old “letting a friend stay just now” chestnut. Which actually means “I’m married/engaged/long term relationship/ have a girlfriend”

  8. He’s probably married. And if he’s letting his friend stay there, why does the friend have any say in whether he has company over or not. I’m betting that “friend” is his wife.

  9. – Option 1: he’s married
    – Option 2: he’s living with parents
    – Option 3: he’s in a rundown place/not happy/embarrassed by where he lives

  12. He’s married or has some weird dynamic like someone who is friends/family with an ex of his/ someone he’s also seeing lives nearby, may show up, report back to that person, so on. Listen to your gut. I dated a guy for a awhile and ignored these similar signs and he was indeed married with kids.

  14. Honestly to me it doesn’t matter what the living situation is, this behavior is 🚩🚩🚩. Only you can answer how long you’re willing to tolerate this.

  15. If you are simply a friend with benefits it really shouldn’t matter unless you don’t want to be the other woman. He is most definitely hiding some thing, more than likely a current relationship with someone else.

  16. I live at home, I wouldn’t want a girl to come back to my place. Shits embarrassing but it is what it is. Can’t afford it.

  18. I dated a girl for a month who weirdly would not let me know where she lives and all my friends told me she probably lives with her boyfriend lol

  20. If say the reason doesn’t matter. This is not OK. He’s hiding something. Love yourself. Drop him.

  21. 1. He’s cheating with you.
    2. He doesn’t see you as relationships material.
    3. Still lives with parent/parents.

    Sounds like 1 to me.

  22. If you really want to know where he lives you can just use spokeo.

    Although I would assume you are just the side chick

  23. Just was in a talking phase with a guy who never invited me over. admitted he still lived with his ex but they were “100% broken up”

    Guess what?! Lol

  24. Major red flag… my friend starting dating someone who had similar excuses for not bringing her over. Turns out his “roommate” was his ex with whom he shared a mortgage. She and her kids were still living with him.

    Whatever situation, the bigger concern is the lying/covering things up/lack of honesty. Not a good foundation for any kind of relationship.

  27. Def got married vibes. That or something weird is going on where he lives. Go w your gut

  28. It’s simple he is living with another woman. Probably married. RUNNN …Run sis

    Even if it’s a FWB he should be able to just be open and tell you straight up “ look ma, this will never go anywhere I am married so take it or leave it” but no.

    Run for your life. He is not helping out no friend. He is living with a chick.

  32. Have you seen his social media? Can you call whenever you want? You know why! Don’t act like you don’t, you’re his side chick. You should question if he’s cheating and if he is does that make you wrong for being his mistress.

  34. Have you considered hiring a private investigator to find out? A big chunk of their business is spouses suspecting infidelity.

  37. All my friends that this happened to turned out they were married. All two of them!! Lol just put your foot down and tell him it is important because it has become a concern and if he bails because of that…so be it. That’s shady don’t let someone manipulate you into thinking it’s not.

  38. Just go to whitepages.com type in his name it will tell you where he lives and if other people are on lease/mortgage. This way you can eliminate wife or gf or find out he has one or the other.

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