I(21F) am obsessing over a guy (21M) for whom I don’t have any romantic feelings. After every 2-3 weeks, my obsession just goes wild and I keep thinking of him whole day to the point it is hampering with my work and this obsession lasts for about 2-3 days and I’m back to normal. This thing has repeated for many times now and I don’t know how to deal with it.
I am also in a relationship with 22M. The guy mentioned above has been a friend of mine since lockdown and we shared similar interests and used to talk in discord server or sometimes text related to study stuff or anime or just randomly. I have also talked to him in person and on phone in the college, but not very long talks, just to-the-point talks or if we need any help from each other or some opinion. Also, the guy does not have any interest in me, that I’m sure of.
What should I do? Are there any conclusions that can be drawn from this? Is it something to do with my brain function? Please ask any questions if my information seems incomplete.
tl;dr: I am completely obsessing over someone I don’t have any romantic feelings for. What is wrong with me?
10 comments
What’s going on in your relationship?
How long have you been in the relationship for?
When you say obsession, what are your specific thoughts telling you about this person?
> Is it something to do with my brain function?
Yes, but more to the point: can it be readily corrected/fixed?
Do you experience intrusive “obsessive thoughts” about him recurring many times each episode?
You should talk to a therapist. It sounds like you’re in college, so your school should have some options for you.
Break up with him and ask out this guy
Question: Do you also happen to get a lot of personal validation from this person? Or feel a lot of anxiety if too much time has gone by without interacting with this person?
I’m not an expert on the subject and I’m not positive how based on science it is, but I wonder if you have a “favorite person” situation going on, though I think it usually only happens to people who have BPD.
Take this with a grain of salt, but it might at least be an interesting lense to look at your situation through.
Sounds like a little crush tbh
I do occasionally get platonic bro crushes or like platonic infatuation sometimes when I have a new friend I really like, but I don’t know if that is what is going on with you here.
Sure you don’t have a crush on him and are just trying to compartmentalize? Seems likely the issues in your relationship are pertinent.
Can you try to think of something else where your mind can wander that is relaxing and interesting? Like plan a vacation, creative project, suspenseful tv show etc that you can start thinking about when your mind goes to this guy?
What types of obsessive thoughts? What are you thinking ABOUT him? What are you imagining about him? What memories with him are you replaying in your head? What do you think about when you think about him?