I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for four years. My parents (54M and 50F) are conservative and are against me spending a night with my boyfriend till we get married. I asked them if I could go on a weekend trip with my boyfriend but my mom threatened to call my boyfriend and break up with him and forbid me from seeing him if I tried to do something like that.
I currently live at home but I work full time and am a full time student too. I asked my parents if I could move out but they are against it. I give them 80% off my paychecks for their expenses but I could afford to live on my own if I didn’t. My mom says I’m being selfish and irresponsible for considering to move out when I could be staying at home and helping them save money. I still have a curfew and a lot of other restrictions too. I tried to have a calm discussion with them about letting me be independent but they said the only way I could leave home was by getting married. I cannot think of any other ways to move out without ruining my relationship with my parents. I would like to have a relationship with my parents because they have done so much for me but I cannot live the life I want while I live with them. If I do leave home, they will cut me off if I’m not married. However, I will be starting med school soon and I don’t want to get married till I finish it. What can I do?
TL;DR my parents threatened to call my boyfriend and end our relationship if I don’t agree to not travel with him
5 comments
You may realize they did less than you think they did, and while it will be hard how hard will it be to do med school under their rules what if they say you can’t do that all of a sudden. As a doc you may have to make hard choices and to live the life you want you will have to do the same. Love is supposed to be unconditional they may love their ideals more than they love you.
You’re an adult, make your own choice. Move out and don’t give your parents money or much money.
Your parents are way too controlling for you being 24. Not to mention, you are paying them to be kept under rheir control. Since you can afford to move out, you should. If they would disown you for wanting to be independent as an adult woman, their love is not worth having.
Your parents are financially abusing you, among other toxic behavior. Please move in with your boyfriend and build your own life that you want.
They are financially and emotionally abusing you. You aren’t their daughter, you’re their cash cow.
Selfishness is when two people are on equal power/footing and then one of them decides to upset that equality by taking for themselves.
You are not on equal footing, they are taking 80% of what’s *yours* financially speaking, and 100% of what’s yours emotionally speaking. THEY are being selfish and you are letting yourself be taken advantage of.
Pay yourself 100% of what’s yours. Money, love, self-love, privacy, space, distance, all of it. What you have left over after your physical and emotional needs *as a grown adult* is what you get to distribute among friends and family.