We broke up about three months ago, having already had a break up before. In total we’ve been together for 4.5 years. This time was different though, since she [27f] became convinced it was the right idea. For me [33m] it wasn’t so much.
One thing that we always struggled a bit with was sex. I was her first. Some positions would hurt her (I’m a bit above 6 inches) and she also generally had a low libido. Now recently we bumped into each other and she became completely confused, as she thought to be over me. I’m still crazy about her, so when she said she’d maybe like to try again I was super happy. She told me that she discovered how much she likes sex and that she does not have a low libido at all. At first I didn’t like to hear it, but after some thinking I realized that it is obviously completely fine that she experimented.
Yesterday I went to her place and I saw an xl condom pack (next to regular sized ones) next to her bed. It made me slightly uncomfortable, since this is an insecurity of mine (common and boring by now, I know). At some point we had sex and she could have me in all positions that she’d normally complained to have pain in. It was very surreal to experience that. I noticed that she wasn’t really into it and we stopped. She said she wasn’t feeling the chemistry and felt very bad for it. When I asked she said it had nothing to do with her experiences she’s recently had with others, but I find that very hard to believe. With me she had a low libido and could only do some positions, and now after three months suddenly she has zero difficulties.
I’m happy for her that she has discovered something about herself and that she is enjoying it like she should. But at the same time I feel very inadequate. I know a lot more comes to sex than just the size of the genitals, but this has been an insecurity for a long time. It went partly away when we started dating 4.5 years ago and I had never felt that confident sexually yet. Now it has all been flushed down the drain.
I don’t really know what to do now. This feels like the confirmation I was always fearing.
7 comments
Ever go to a restaurant and have an amazing time and think it’s the best place ever and then go back and it’s kind of blah?
A big part of sex is chemistry, far more than skill and definitely far more than the size of you cock which is above average.
You need to realize that you are projecting your own insecurities into what happened.
This is a really hard thing to understand but her interest in this other guy has nothing to do with you or a lot in your side
Think of two restaurants side by side in Italian and a Japanese place or doesn’t matter the fact that you go into one and not the other doesn’t mean you hate the other doesn’t mean the other one has shitty food it means you want Italian or you want sushi or you want something else.
Don’t chase the girls that don’t want to chase the girls that do.
And there will be plenty of girls that want you
I saw a micropenis for the first time in my life the other day. I’m still thinking about it. I’m sorry I don’t have more to say or offer you, but this is my only thought that comes to mind.
Let me just first say that penis size really has nothing to do with how someone is in bed. Promise swear to god cross my fingers and hope to die with a cherry on top.
I have come wayyyy more with a guy with a teeny dick who knew what he was doing and who cared about my pleasure than guys with huge ones who just think all they have to do is whip it out lol.
BUT ALSO sometimes you just don’t have chemistry with someone. Even if you are both individually great in bed. It sucks. It is the worst. But it’s just the reality. Even I as a sex worker can’t get it theoretically up for everyone. But I need that chemistry and that click to make it happen.
A third thing that could be going on is that her body may still be remembering the pain of sex with you and shutting down. Which sucks so much because it sounds like you helped initiate her into this world but are baring the brunt of the first physical pain. Horrible. And yet, it happens.
I would imagine it would be super hard to come back from this. Just sending a lot of <3
Sounds like she never felt the chemistry between you two which caused those problems, after your break up she figured out how to get aroused but there’s still no chemistry for her.
Your dick size has nothing to do with it.
Sounds like it’s just about sexual chemistry rather than dick size.
For me, I have no idea why I fancy some guys but not others. Someone can be very handsome etc but if I don’t really fancy them I get nothing from sex and it will just feel uncomfortable. If I do really fancy them, it’s amazing.
A big dick is nice to look at but I’ve not actually heard many women praise their performance or complain about a guy being small or average. I prefer average, not too girthy or long.
I can’t speak to her side of the breakup, but heart break can really affect this. My 1st long term partner (6yrs dating) ended amicably but still painfully on my side, 2 yrs later we reconnected for a hookup. At the time we still considered eachother #1 in bed with tons of chemistry, but during that hook up I noticed none of my scars had healed. I “loved” her before, but the damage of the break up made everything feel… bad? Painful? Uncomfortable? Emotionally not physically. And I never thought that feelings could over power my boner like that. I had to stop.
She and I are still friends to this day. I think what I’m trying to say is, don’t think of this as some kind of sign of inadequacy. The truth is relationships are complicated, and it’s possible one (or both) of u had conflicting thoughts distracting u from really enjoying the moment, and guaranteed u guys were picking up that vibe on both ends. Not everyone can have sex regardless of the underlying history/contexts.
It may hurt to think about now, take time to heal. Now that I’ve moved on, I think about that relationship fondly but would never want it back. I use the lessons learned to improve and grow, it has landed me in quite an amazing relationship in a much better place in my life.
People think size doesn’t really matter but honestly they’re so wrong.
There’s definitely some women who prefer average and small but also many women who like larger. Maybe she was one of those and only now came to realise it