I (19f) have been seeing my boyfriend (37M) for two months. I’m trying to figure out if I should end things. We met on a dating app. He lives half an hour away and I’m in college and don’t have a car. We’ve met in person once at a place that was pretty far from me. He refused to come closer to where I am even though he has a car. I had to take a train and uber at 9 pm and he came 3 hours late.
While I was waiting he kept making jokes about how late he was, and I became more and more embarrassed that he was making me wait alone so late at night. When he finally did come, we had a great conversation, but he kept bringing up his ex-wife. At the end of the date, he kissed me. I thought it went pretty well.
He didn’t text me for a week after, but we started talking again. He kept asking me to meet up past midnight in weird places like the mall parking lot. I think he’s not actually interested in a relationship and wants a FWB. I’m confident he wont harm me because he has too much to lose and has a two children
My friend and I started digging around for his divorce records and spent hours looking for them. we ended up paying for them along with other information. I think it’s gone too far and he’s making me neurotic. Now he’s sending passive-aggressive texts. Should we break up?
tl;dr: im 19 my boyfriend is 37. he seems to only want to meet at night and I’ve become neurotic because of our relationship. should we break up?
9 comments
>should we break up?
YES!
Why haven’t you broken up already? Why did you think things went well when he treated you terribly? You should break up, but you should also get therapy to learn that you deserve a basic minimum of human decency from others, since you don’t seem to be aware of that currently.
I know you’re an adult, but you’re still a new adult, whereas middle adulthood is on your boyfriend’s horizon. The relationship is one sided, to his advantage. It’s like a 7 year old and a 3 year old playing. Sure, they’re both kids who get along and might even have some games they both enjoy to play together. But the developmental difference is wide. When there’s a conflict, the 7 year old will definitely know how to manipulate the 3 year old in their favor. Maybe the 7 year old will let the 3 year old get their way once in a while, even begrudgingly, but it doesn’t mean they’re on a level playing field at all.
He’s already treating your time and effort as if it were nothing to him. It’s because he doesn’t respect you.
Where is your social support system? Doesn’t anyone around you tell you dating a divorcing almost 40 y.o man is not good? He is taking advantage of you and you are allowing him to do that. You admit yourself that he is not interested in a relationship. I recommend you like an older sister to leave him to have a healthy relationship because i know it doesn’t look like this at all
this person is not your boyfriend. just some old creep who doesn’t know how to approach women his age, and specifically went after you bc he knew you’d put up with the shit you’ve put up with so far (due to lack of experience or being the fuck over it). also he clearly doesn’t respect you as an actual human bc he put you in a sketch situation and wants to meet at mall parking lots? wtf
why are you doing this to yourself during what should be the best freest years of your life? please get the fuxk outta this situation and never ever look back
You may be 19, but you’re not grown enough to be dating a man his age.
And don’t ever assume a man won’t hurt you because he has a family or whatever, just don’t.
He knows that he made you wait alone at night and he acknowledged that to you, he was testing you to see if you’d stand up for yourself or not. You didn’t. This behavior will continue and eventually spiral because he enjoys the subtle control he has over you..
RUN.
also, my heart breaks for all of the younger girls and young woman who end up in relationships with fucking creeps. Y’all don’t know that you’re being preyed on yet and they live for it :/
The fact that you even have to state ‘I don’t think he would harm me’ as if it’s something to consider is honestly bizarre. You’re meeting an old guy in parking lots to hook up? This is not your boyfriend it’s just a weird lazy guy who can’t even drive to pick you up. He sounds like such a loser! And you need to get some self respect and set your standards higher, meet a normal guy closer to you in age, go on normal dates. Transiting through the night to meet some old guy is not normal. Don’t your friends think this is weird?
>I thought it went pretty well.
I can’t believe you wrote this after the first two paragraphs. The standards… so low! How’s the weather down there?
For future reference, when they say they are single but need to meet for dates at midnight in a Home Depot parking lot…they are not actually single.