My husband and I are not in a good place. He’s abusive emotionally and psychologically and constantly rapes/sexually assaults me along with gaslighting, cheating and other problems. I’ve hit my limit and told him I want a divorce. He’s begging me to stay but I told him the only way I would stay is if he was serious and to prove his seriousness. HE came up with the idea that we should have something notarized that when we split if he should neglect our children (failure to pay child support, fails to be in their life consistently or to spend time with them, etc.) I will own the house. At first I didn’t take him serious but he keeps pushing to do it so I’m like ok. At least I’ll get something in the end anyway to benefit me and my kids. My question is, what exactly should I include? I need to think ahead and include our home and payments but want to make sure we think of all possible outcomes and what to include as part of his “failures” that would need us to utilize this notarized form. Any suggestions of what else to put? I just want to make sure me and my kids are set when shit hits the fan. It’s not fair that I would have to go through a divorce and my kids lives will change because their trusted dad fucked up.
10 comments
Talk to a lawyer. That’s the best advice you’re going to get. Your situation and how to accomplish what you’re asking about (if it’s possible) is very location specific and a local lawyer who does family law will likely be the best resource for you.
What you a describing is a postnup.
You need an attorney.
Now for the obvious question… He cheats, he abuses you, he assaults you, you should be figuring out an exit strategy.
Abusers always promise to change. They rarely do.
They only change when they have an introspective moment and don’t like what they see. They have an epiphany and decide without any input from you to seek help and change.
Sorry you are in this situation. Get out.
You need a Lawyer. Just having a contract that the two of you wrote together will probably get thrown out in court immediately, even if it is notarized.
>He’s abusive emotionally and psychologically and constantly rapes/sexually assaults me along with gaslighting, cheating and other problems
What exactly does “proving” that one is “serious” entail? If the above is true, then I would think he’s been very successful in proving that he is serious…..
at being a bona fide asshole.
The salient question is why, again if the above is true, you would even entertain the slightest notion of wanting to stay with him?
Postnups are notoriously hard to enforce. Have a good lawyer look at it and take their advice.
Your husband won’t change.
Oh, OP. You get *one* life. Is this really the way you want to spend it?
As someone going through a domestic violence divorce now, alimony is very minimal if you haven’t been married a long time. And child support also isn’t very much.
For example, we had planned for me to be a stay at home mom. If my husband makes 3000
A month, after divorcing me, he only needs to pay me like 450 of that for one child, for child support. Even if I have full custody. So obviously I could not remain a stay at home mom in any capacity.
I would put in something so you’d get a greater percentage of money. That said, I do see a lot of posts about husbands being thousands of dollars behind in child support so maybe it doesn’t matter.
There is a domestic violence sub and the free book Why Does He Do That is often recommended.
But yeah talk to a lawyer
You’ve been SA/raped. Get out immediately please. Talk to a lawyer asap. I would be terrified for my kids rn
Forget Reddit advice. Get a lawyer immediately and if you have anyone you can live with that you and your kids can be safe, do it. He needs to be in jail. I just went through this with my daughter.
His idea? No.
He’s lying.
Don’t accept it at all. Tell your attorney to guide you to a fair solution and make sure he/she knows that this guy is an abuser.