What’s your go-to one liner fellas?

13 comments

1. Whatever it is, deliver with eye contact

2. You’re pretty cute. Want me to suck your dick?

3. Hoooly Mooollyy

4. Comedy is context, it’s hard to pin down a one-liner that’s always going to kill

   But whoever came up with knock-knock jokes should get a No Bell prize

5. Any time anyone says they are missing something, I reply with “well, I wouldn’t say I was actually MISSING it, Bob!”.

   This is how I quickly identify my people

   Anytime someone says “<insert person’s name here> is coming!” or some variation thereof, I reply with “better grab a Kleenex!!”
   I can thank Howie Mandel’s early stand-up comedy for that brain-worm

   Anytime someone says “back in the day”, I have to immediately reply with “which was a Wednesday, by the way. Fun fact for you.”.
   I am ashamed to admit that comes from Dane Cook’s standup.

   I’m starting to see why I have no friends……..

6. Timing is key, but I frequently hit people with “Not with that attitude,” “I don’t get it,” and “Well that’s your problem right there!”

7. Whenever anyone tells me what state they’re from I respond with, “well, nobody’s perfect!” Almost always gets a solid laugh. Unless they’re from Texas.

8. Whenever someone says “how are you?” I reply “livin’ the dream. A nightmare is a dream right?”

9. I’m rich.

10. ive got a few dates out of “hey do you like pancakes or waffles?”

    throws em off- then, whatever they say,i would say the contrary, (she likes waffles, then i like pancakes)

    then ask whats her favorite restaurant that sells waffles, and then bam ask her on a date to said location to “see if what shes saying is really true”

    &#x200B;

    breaks the ice, throws them off, follow up at date.

    you can use this formula with like coffee or latte’s or walks in the park vs going hiking. whatever you think shes into etc etc

11. Most of my stuff is in response to something, especially idioms

    For instance when someone says “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” I would say “but you catch the most with bullshit.”

    Or “Early bird gets the worm” is met with “but the early worm gets eaten.”

12. When someone says “Early bird gets the worm.”

    I respond with “But second mouse gets the cheese!”

13. Are you gonna bang tho?