I’m just posting this real quick, but as someone who’s always been a shy, anxious and self conscious introvert, I managed to turn myself into an extrovert over the course of a few months. And for the past few months, I’ve met a variety of amazing people, from strangers who shared some time to talk one time to people who changed my life and are now some of my close friends.
My best friend just told me tonight that I’m always meeting someone, and asked how I do it. To which I replied : “Tall to them”. She then said “And say what” and added “I always feel like I’m bothering them”.
The following (and this here post) is my answer. Btw I apologize if this comes of as very basic or obvious advice, I just thought maybe sharing it could help someone.
It’s literally that easy, and it’s good life advice actually : Just talk to people.
Say anything that comes to mind. If you see someone on the street and think “Wow, they have a really cool jacket” or “I love this person’s style/hair/piece of clothing” : Just say that. That’s it. That’s all you do. Just say what you think.
Especially when it’s a compliment. Don’t keep those to yourself, they’re harmless, they cost you nothing and they can literally make someone’s day, week or even month.
For instance, I started talking to this one person tonight (Mariette) by telling them I loved the poncho they were wearing.
It doesn’t have to be a compliment : you can try and find an excuse to talk to people by relating to them and/or asking about a situation.
For instance, just before I met poncho-rocking Mariette, I talked to a group of people my age, and to engage I simply asked them if they were waiting for a bus.
Another one : I met the Hellfest backpacker I told you about by asking her about the backpack she had. Anything like this is all you need to get a conversation started. And once you do, if they’re friendly and find that you are, they’ll do their best to keep the conversation going.
I get feeling like you’re bothering them, it’s normal and sometimes you really are, but it turns out most of the time, people are happy to meet other people and talk. For instance, poncho-rocking Mariette was wearing earphones and had a blank face with an almost annoyed looking look when I engaged, and before doing it I thought about it a lot and felt like I might be bothering her. But I built up the courage to go through with it, and she responded really well. And when we parted, she told me I made her waiting for her bus way better and she loved meeting me. And personally, she made my night.
If you’re worried you’re bothering them :
1-Don’t worry, you’ll know if you are, and then you can take that cue to stop the conversation. But if they’re not showing clear signs of irritation, assume they’re okay with talking to you. And
2-Don’t let that thought stop you from reaching out to others. You never know when a conversation you can start could change your life, and you never know when talking to a stranger could make your and their day. So you might as well risk it. You have nothing to loose, and everything to gain.
21 comments
Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
I like this. I think about these problems too.
I tried this for a while and found I rub people the wrong way for whatever reason. And to be different than I am comes across as fake and disingenuous which people don’t trust, making them dislike me even more.
I think you are a simple case of an extrovert who just needed a field test to disprove your limiting beliefs. For me, my test confirmed mine
This is the way I was. I was also an introvert and self-managed to become more extroverted and I was very confident in my skills after reading lots of social skills books.
Yet, here I am, being again an introvert, keeping my thoughts to myself, not going out anymore into clubs and only talking to my close friends.
Depression sucks, it’s taking a toll on my life, now I experience anxiety hard to describe when going out and meeting new people, I can barely keep a conversation going.
Yet, it wasn’t that way, but now I’m back to the way I was before.
Thank you Ur Anus. Seriously I’m gonna try to give this a shot. I need to improve my social skills without needed alcohol.
Do you sometimes feel burnout? Sometimes I feel very social but soon after I just go back to my hermit cave lol
Great for sharing your experiences, but want to note one does not become an extrovert (you probably always were but had anxiety or was shy). The big 5 traits are very stable and rarely change through life.
I am mentioning this since it is a common misconception that introverts can and should just become extroverts and it’s really harmful.
Dude, such a great post. I wish I had an award to give you, but all I have is my appreciation. Keep up the good work! 😁💫
Best advice I can give this whole sub…
1. Just don’t care what people think about you
2. Be kind
Introvert means not wanting to be with people for too long or you get exhausted. You can still be an outgoing introvert provided that you have the energy to do so.
You’re either an introvert or an extrovert. You can’t really change that. You were either a socially anxious/shy extrovert or you’re an introvert who became more outgoing.
Edit: Good grief I forgot to add that I am happy for you and glad you have been able to improve your social skills’
I read this thinking “obviously…?”
But then I read the comments and didn’t realize that anxiety was stopping some people from interacting.
My introvert friends/family always told me how much they *HATE* whenever someone they don’t know tries to talk to them in public, how much they *HATE* small talk, how much they *HATE* being interrupted in their own world. My extroverted friends however this is just how you exist out in the world.
I have ADHD so growing up (and much more controlled now) I’d just talk to whoever was around me at any time about literally anything. I figure if they have a problem then it’s *their* responsibility to say something not *my* responsibility to read anyone’s mind.
Thank you very much for this. It’s exactly what I needed to hear today👍🏼
Sometimes I do this. Actually lately I’ve done it quite a bit like complimenting people and asking how there doing and stuff life that but I just can’t keep the conversation going. Or sometimes they’ll just give me a look and be like “ok!” or “yeah” and then walk away so I end up feeling a little embarrassed afterwards
Thank you!! I really needed this.
I started college earlier this month and my shy and awkwardness has hit the roof. I barely have any friends at this point, but I want to change. I want to be sociable and this will be how I start.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m in a good mood today, but I’m hopeful for the future and I will try this out, and when I do OP, I will pm you to let you know how it went.
Thank you!!
another person just trying to change people. Hey op you do realize there is nothing wrong with people? I dont know why you feel youve been ordained by god to fix everyone. Not our fault you where insecure with yourself that you had to change it
This is simple but great advice, just say what you’re thinking! Just get it out there and let the rest happen.
It helps when you compliment that it is something about whats on them, not their actual body. I dont even mean sexy, but even saying like oh you have nice eyes or whatever, People get turned off sometimes by that think youre trying to pick them up right off the bat, but if you like something on them or hair can be pretty safe usually they arent so guarded.
I’m in a similar situation as you, used to be incredibly shy and anxious but have broken out of my shell a bit more. I can handle interactions when other people initiate or when I’m working in a group, but I’ve been wanting to practice initiating things myself. I’ve been a bit nervous but this post is giving me a boost of motivation so thank you!
Agree, it really is that easy. Not every interaction is gonna get you a friend, heck, 99% won’t, but the important part is that you’re practicing those social muscles. And you’re gonna put those to good use when you find someone you wanna be friends with.
Don’t try to be something you are not. Learn to be you.