Hey!!
I (M23) need a bit of advice and maybe some perspective as I’d want to best deal with this
I was in a fwb situation with one of my good friend (F23) for about 2 years. It was great, we also were pretty close during and helped each other deal with some difficult moments in our respective lives. She always told me that she’d see us taking it to the next level and I told her that at this point in my life, it’s hard for me to get into a relationship… I have a close family member that’s very ill and I’m so afraid to commit my time to something other than that. She’s known this for the last 2 years.
We had chemistry, we really valued each other in our lives, but I think there were certain things I found a bit of a turnoff, although turnoffs are natural. One being her not supporting my hustle, whether it be me studying many hours to maximize my chances at med school, or working 70h/week during the summer to save money and grow my employment opportunities. Secondly, I feel like I very proactive and a go get it mentality, whereas she’s very passive and comfortable. Example would be gym – I’m fairly active and she doesn’t really value it.. so long term for me it’d be a conflict.. overall I feel like she wouldn’t push me to reach my apex in terms of potential and aspirations. But I really, really value her in my life. I’d say that’s reciprocal.
Last week, she messaged me telling me that she was frustrated that I wasn’t texting her daily, or calling her a few times a week, that I constantly cancelled plans (I’d say for valid reasons on my end), that seeing each other was really difficult. To be honest, I enjoy spending time with her, but sometimes it feels like a chore you know?
I told her that if our fwb was bring her unhappiness, it would be better to just end it. She called me a few days later agreeing, and saying that she’d go back into the dating field in the near future, but she’s leaving the door open for me to surprise her in the coming months.
So I’m conflicted. I agree with the turnoffs/cons I mentioned above as a reason I didn’t want to proceed with a relationship, but I don’t know .. ever since I did it, I really miss her friendship and companionship in my life. It bothers me a bit to think she’d be with someone else, but I’m also trying to look at it from a long term lense.
What do you guys think? How should I look at this?
TLDR: Ended 2 yr long FWB, had a few reasons I didn’t want to make it into a relationship, mainly around aspirational differences. I really really like her as a person. Conflicted about my decision to end it. I see the merit and cons. Trying to get perspective as to how to gage these emotions so that I don’t make a mistake.