Early this year, my boyfriend (30sM) broke up with me out of the blue after six months together. He’s inexperienced with dating (only 1 prior relationship), and has issues with depression and anxiety. He basically overthought things into the ground and panicked. He decided he can’t be in a relationship and has been single since. He is in therapy.
I (30sF) haven’t connected with anyone else since our breakup. I miss him a lot, he has so many great qualities otherwise. I’ve never met anyone I’ve had more in common with, and he was so kind-hearted and sensitive. We also have similar goals and want the same things. It was the happiest I’d been in a long time. I’d hope that when he felt more emotionally ready, he’d reach out to me, but he has very low self-esteem, so I’d be shocked. He probably thinks I’m better off. But I think of him often and wonder if he’s in a better place now. What’s stopping me from reaching out is that he went back and forth about our breakup a few times, which hurt me. I reached out in May and he responded but wasn’t super receptive. But I didn’t explicitly tell him I miss him or want him back or anything at all about our relationship, it was very casual. He randomly blocked me from social media in July, which was weird because we unfollowed each other months prior after the breakup. My only guess was that he did it to control himself from looking at my socials. But a blocking means he doesn’t want to see or talk to me.
That said, we met at an arts workshop that is starting up again. I really want to do it (I’ve been going since 2015) but there’s a possibility of running into him of course. I would want him back if he’s in a better, more stable mental state (and I know he’s trying to do the work in therapy), but I also want to respect his space. But then, I also don’t want to miss out on this workshop I really enjoy for the sheer possibility of his being there. I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not like I need to avoid him.
Should I just go to the workshop and if he’s there, consider it an act of fate? I wouldn’t bring up our relationship, probably just say hi, and say I hope he’s been well. He can choose to engage further if he wants to. We haven’t seen each other since January. Or should I avoid it at all costs so as to not damage our situation further? I just can’t imagine he’d ever reach back out to me “when he was ready”, given his shyness and low self-esteem. On the one hand, I feel like I have nothing to lose, on the other, I don’t want to smother him or keep forcing something that just isn’t going to work. What do you think?
TLDR: My ex broke up with me earlier this year due to his anxiety/depression. I have the opportunity to maybe run into him at the workshop we met at but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. I’d love to reconcile if he’s in a better state but I’m not sure if seeing him will do more damage. I also don’t want to miss the workshop I’ve attended since 2015 just for the possibility of running into him. What should I do?
4 comments
>I’ve never met anyone I’ve had more in common with
Of course not, because you’ve been holed up with your memories of this guy.
I mean, you want to do the workshop whether or not he is there, so you should definitely do the workshop! And if he is there, I think your idea of how to interact with him is perfect. You don’t have to be aggressive about your interest in him, just saying hi and doing a quick catch up sound good. Since he is the one who ended things, I do think that you should let him extend any kind of invitation to hang out outside of the workshop though. But you can make it known that you would be open to it in a subtle way.
If you want to attend an event you would have attended if you had never met your ex, then attend it. If he happens to also be there, it is not fate or a sign that you’re meant to be together. If you see him, say hello and then carry on with your business.
I can tell from your post how much you care for and miss your ex, and also how important it is to you to, in this period of grief, do things that you love and that place you in social situations. I also understand your fear and anticipation of the potential to see him there. It seems to me the easiest thing is to send a brief text about the workshop, something along the lines of, “Hey, it’s been a while, I hope you’re doing well. I was planning on signing up for the same workshop that we met at, and wanted to let you know just in case you were also planning on it.” I think there’s a lot of ways to personalize it more based on the desired outcome, like, “Hoping I see you there,” or, if he responds saying he’s not doing it, asking him to get coffee and catch up soon.
You know him better than me, maybe he would hate a preemptive message like that – I’m a very anxious person and this type of communication is helpful for me, but annoying to others. Regardless, I hope that things will go the way you want them to, and I’m rooting for you, whether it’s rekindling with him or just having a good time at the workshop.