I’m using a throwaway account because friends know my reddit account, and at this point I’m losing my mind because I don’t know what to do anymore.
3 years ago I met someone who is currently my best friend, we both bonded throughout these last few years and became really close, we have spent a lot of time together and supported each other through difficult times for us, she introduced me to a friends group of hers and we all have been friends since then and spent a lot of time together, and at some point I wanted to be more than friends with her, the problem is that she has already a 7 years relationship with someone else, I haven’t told her that I like her and probably never will. It obviously hurts to see her everyday with her boyfriend, and throughout the years a lot of people that I can talk these things with had told me to cut off the friendship with her and move on with my life, because at this point there is absolutely nothing I can do, and it’s true. During these last few months I decided to stay as friends with her even if it hurt me a lot, but it is really emotionally demanding and I wish I could just say goodbye to her and move on, but we have really bonded a lot and I cannot just stop talking to her and cut off any communication, during many occassions I have tried to ignore her and move on with my life, but she has texted me asking me to not stop talking to her, because she says that is not okay to just stop talking to your friends and pretend like they don’t exist, she is not ok with me trying to get away from her life, and it is the same case with everyone in the friend group, I cannot leave them without hurting them, and I cannot leave my crush forever and stay in the friends group because she is always there with them.
I love her and all of our friends to death, and I wish it was as easy to just stop have feelings for her, but I cannot keep spending time with them and emotionally torture myself every day, and I have been thinking about just leaving all of them for good this time, and to move on with my life and hope for things to get better. At this point I don’t know what to do anymore.
I need an outsider’s point of view of what to do with my relationship with my crush and my friends, the only option that I can find is to leave them for good this time, to move on with my life and never talk to them again, but it would obviously hurt her and them a lot, and I cannot find another choice than can help me or them. Maybe I’m looking at things from the wrong point of view, and I have no idea of what to do about this situation.
TL;DR: I have a crush on my best friend who I met 3 years ago, but she has a relationship since 7 years ago with someone else, I have been wanting to keep being her friend even though it hurts me emotionally, but it’s emotionally draining and I need to move on with my life, but she doesn’t want me to get out of her life.
3 comments
Focus on someone else. You already know the answer.
You’re just punishing yourself.
We all want thing we cannot have in life. She is the temping forbidden fruit that is hanging for the tallest branch on the tree. You answered your own question, the only way to stop this self-inflicted torture is to leave and move on.
It sounds like it’s time to find a new friend group. People distance themselves from friends for all sorts of reasons, including because they need to seek out different experiences in order to grow. Your crush can ask you to keep hanging out, but you can just tell her you can’t. It may not be for forever — maybe in a year or two you can work toward reconnecting with your friends. But for now, a separation is what’s best for you, and you have to take care of yourself.