I’m (M17) and she’s (F16) So let me just give some context, we have been both best friends for almost years now and we always had each others backs to be honest, I met her since we we’re 3rd grade and became friends and we are still friends even at 12th Grade, we always cared for each other
We have a lot of things in common, we both liked playing badminton, playing Video Games, watching Anime and reading Manga, and playing Piano, and I’ll admit, I did have a slight crush on her, she was honestly a really talented person too, she’s good at drawing, singing and even knows how to speak Japanese and Korean, she’s really amazing and I honestly appreciate her talents and skills to be honest
And right now, I never thought it would actually come to this point, I had no clue she was actually in love with me, and I will admit, I do feel the same for her, I started to really fall for her at maybe 7th grade, but I didn’t tell her, I didn’t realise we had feelings for each other, she said she always liked me since 5th Grade, I was honestly shocked, I know what your wondering, I know, I could probably tell her that I love her too and we could probably start dating, but I will give you my background
I am Roman Catholic and she’s also Catholic, now, I’m an Altar Server at our Parish and back when I was just kid, probably 7 or 8 years old, I always wanted to become a Catholic Priest, I honestly wanted to serve for God and help communities by being a Priest, i was planning on going to seminary after Senior High then I could proceed to study and become a Priest, being a Priest requires Celibacy, meaning marriage is not allowed, (although I’m not thinking of marrying her cause that would be stupid) Being a couple could certainly pave a way for it,
My mind is really conflicting right now, how should i tell her? I don’t know how to respond to her honestly
I could try dating her first, I did hear about Priests who dated Girls first before going to seminary and became Priests, our former Parish Priest was one of them, honestly, I could try dating her first but that would mean I would have to break up with her and honestly it could break her heart, I really don’t want that to happen, she might not hate me since we are both Catholic and she’s understanding, but things might become awkward between us
Those Priests probably had Girlfriends that eventually didn’t work out for them and eventually, Priesthood was they’re calling, mine isn’t like that, I would date her for a while then break up with her honestly sounds like a really sh#tty thing to do and to be fair, it really is, and i don’t want to to do, and yes, she does know I want to become a Priest, but the thing is, I’ll probably go to Seminary next year and she probably just got worried that if she didn’t confess now, she would feel even more broken
I honestly understand the pain of not being able to confess to someone once it’s too late, I always hear about it to people, see it in movies and even heartbreaking Animes and one of my cousins even experienced it and had regret all over them, I could understand why she confessed to me even though I want to become a Priest,
Now what did I do after she confessed? I kinda stayed silent for a moment then told her that will probably think about it first, she seemed fine with it and then, we kind off awkwardly left, I really have no clue what to do tomorrow once I get to school again
TL;DR: She confessed to me but I want to become a Roman Catholic Priest
But what do you guys think? What are advices you can give to me?
7 comments
If you like her date her. You aren’t a priest yet.
And frankly people do date without having intercourse. So if you feel the need to remain a virgin that’s still possible.
You are still very young. It is important to have experiences with other people. You want to become a priest now, but maybe not later. Maybe it turns out you would rather be a Catholic Deacon instead (who can be married at the time of ordination). Even if you become a priest, don’t you think understanding romantic relationships would be useful in talking with people?
Practicing Catholic here. I salute your desire to become a priest. This being said, you are still very young, and part of the discernment process toward ordination is to make sure that celibacy is actually the right path for you, and the way to make this discernment is to listen to your feelings and, if you love a girl, to try and dating. This being said, the girl must be made aware of your intentions. In other words, you may date her, but you should tell her that you are discerning the priesthood. If she does not want to date a man who is discerning because she does not want to endure the heartbreak should you decide to pursue toward ordination, you have to respect her choice.
Also, I would strongly suggest turning to fellow Catholics for advice. I mean no disrespect for the secular world to which this subreddit belongs, but non-Catholics will have a hard time understanding all the issues at play here. I suggest writing in r/Catholicism.
Most importantly, an issue as personal as this one should be first and foremost discussed with your priest. He’s probably been through the same emotions you are going through now, when he was young and a layman.
Finally, it is important to leave this in the hands of God. He is the one who calls you toward a particular vocation; it is not you who decide what your vocation is, what you do is answer the call. Now maybe priesthood really is your vocation, but at your age, I wouldn’t be so certain. The diaconate, for instance, is also a vocation of ministry in itself, and many deacons are married. I understand how confused you must be at that moment. Pray about it, seek guidance from your priest, leave aside all your struggles, empty your heart and keep it open to receive God’s call. God always answers, we simply must allow ourselves to hear the answer.
>We who mystically represent the Cherubim, and who sing to the Life-Giving Trinity the thrice-holy hymn, **let us now lay aside all earthly cares that we may receive the King of all**, escorted invisibly by the angelic orders.
Relax. You’re super young. Date her if you want to. Don’t if you don’t. I’d say go for it. You won’t know what you’re missing until you have it.
My advice is: Do not go to seminary school. There is no God or gods. You have been manipulated by people who were themselves manipulated. Please, don’t waste your one life living for the wishful thinking of other people. The Catholic Church is in the news all the time for some newly revealed abuse scandal. Please, do not become a part of the abuse.
Given your age, it is highly likely that a relationship now would not last into adulthood. I have personally seen many Catholics who end up in awful marriages and awful LIVES because they are so unequipped for what a healthy, loving relationship truly looks like. When they can’t develop their abilities, they double down on their commitments to the church, and become ever more needy. The only way out is to become someone who will not let themselves be abused. Break the cycle.
Why not speak with the priest whom you reference in this post? Since he’s lived both sides of this and has some wisdom that comes with age, I can’t think of a better person to give you advice on the pros and cons of what you’re wrangling with right now.
As far as dating her knowing it would have to come to an end (assuming you are *set* on being a priest), as long as you are up front about your intentions, it’s not shitty if she consents to the arrangement. That doesn’t mean it might not still hurt when its time for you two to break up, but a little pain may be worth the good times and good memories you two will share.
What if you just laid it all out on the table for her – what your plans and options are etc – and let her decide for herself how she wants to handle it? If you both are comfortable with Option A or Option B etc, then you’re on the same page and can move forward accordingly. Basically, just be honest about your thoughts and feelings and allow her the opportunity to do the same.