Women of Reddit, what is something that is stopping you from making first move?

15 comments

1. Pride.

2. I think women in general are more insecure than men. Women in their patriarchy are always worth less and most have that inherent feeling… Not a native English speaker so idk how to phrase it best… Like the imposter syndrome… Somehow women feel less confident than men. So I think when they do the first move and get rejected it feels like a validation of the missing self worth that’s taught to women…
   Just a theory tho, that I feel like it’s something I have to deal with 🙂

3. I usually speak my mind, so often that means I “make the first move”. But it takes two people to start a relationship. It really shouldn’t matter who brings up the conversation topic.

4. It’s late Friday night (Sat. morning, technically) and I’m in bed. So any first moves will just have to wait until tomorrow.

5. I think dignity lol but I typically give out hints

6. Nothing

7. Every time that I’ve showed interest and made the first move, I ended up getting used and abused. Because apparently men are supposed to be the ones who pursue, and since I was the one who did it, I showed them that I had low value, and thus deserved to be treated badly. The excuse was that I was essentially asking for it.

   So I’ll never do it again. Sick of being blamed for abuse.

8. Nothing

9. Much as I love making the first move, it never goes well if they haven’t started it off themselves.

10. I know I’m ugly and that men aren’t interested in me; If they wanted to, they would’ve. That’s the one positive thing about gender norms and the way men are heavily socialized to approach and take initiative regardless of whether it’s wanted or not: If you’re never shown any sort of attention, you don’t have to sit around wondering why.

    If more people understood when their advances aren’t welcome, life would be a hell lot better and safer for a ton of people, and especially women. I don’t see any reason why that shouldn’t go both ways. I’m not gonna be out there harassing men that clearly show they want nothing romantic to do with me.

11. Maybe something that society has taught us. I think we should have better self-confidence, but that is perhaps easier said than done.

12. Anxiety

13. When I was single:

    1. People rarely waited long enough for me to find it necessary. Long before I would be ready to ask someone out, they would ask me instead.
    2. Lack of desire to do so. I didn’t want to ask them out yet, so I didn’t.

    In my experience, other people desire to make the first move on a much faster timeline than I would generally want to.

    It didn’t stop me from making the first move when I had the occasion to get to that point, but it meant that I rarely had the opportunity before the other person choose to do so.

14. Fear of rejection

15. The thought I’ll be laughed at for thinking I had a shot with them