We’ve been dating since 2020. We’ve known each other since about 2006. I’ve always liked him and being with him now is a dream come true. I really really want him to propose. Heck, my students want him to propose. And this desire has gotten me in trouble.
He uses Reddit. But I didn’t know his username. But I knew he was posting on a subreddit about something unrelated to all this. So I used this clue to find his username. And his past posts. See where I’m going here? I wanted to see if perhaps he had asked for advice somewhere about proposing to me. Well he did. The post made my heart sing. The one comment told him to wait (meh, but it’s okay) but all was good. Then I kept scrolling. Found his posts about his previous relationship. And it just triggered a panic attack in me. Lots of doubts. I could go into why but it’s not important. It also triggered a lot of guilt. I shouldn’t have seen those posts. I shouldn’t have read them. They were none of my business and frankly neither was the first post I mentioned. So I know I messed up.
My question, my request for advice is: should I tell him what I did? He knows something’s up because I had a visible reaction. So now I’m doing another bad by lying to him. I feel so guilty for looking up his posts. I don’t want to make things worse by telling him, but it could also be helpful to talk about the feelings I felt reading it, but it also spoils his intentions to propose. See my predicament? Please give me some perspective.
4 comments
Just tell him you know his profile name. He should take care of the rest.
I don’t think this is as a big of a deal as you think. You have done it, so yes, you should probably talk to him about it, but it’s going to be a huge problem surely.
If it wasn’t anything inappropriate, then we all have to understand out part ers have had lives before us.
Maybe your doubts are indicative of a greater underlying concern that has now irrevocably been exposed?
I had to abandons a much longer response I wrote that involved my dad and his service in Vietnam, but I’ll try to summarize: you learned something you shouldn’t have known and now must decide if you want to absolve yourself of that or live with it. My sincere advice is to forget that username and never try to lookup your BFs usernames again. But to make it work, you have to keep that discipline the rest of your life together with him.
Otherwise you have to tell him you dug that up and deal with the fallout. That’s okay too, but you still have to be vigilant to not dig in the future.
It’s difficult to know someone else’s secrets, especially if they are your SO’s.