Hi, I’m a 23F with poor social skills. So, there’s this weird thing. I try to talk to people, and it always happens where they feel the need to correct or modify what I said as if it was incorrect.
Some examples:
(My new job as a waitress)
My coworker: How do you like it?
Me: I love that I make so much money the same day. It’s way more than I thought, plus I can finally fill my tank with this.
My coworker: Well some people have bigger things than gas.
~~~
This was confusing to me because 1) obviously, and 2) I didn’t say there wasn’t bigger things than gas. It was just on my mind as the most pressing thing for me to spend money on at that time. I mean, I pay rent & a car note & everything so I’m not sure why he assumed I was neglecting every other expense.
~~~
(At a new job with animals)
Me, reading that a dog who had a reservation had passed away: Aw, someone’s dog died. That’s so sad.
A coworker: Yeah, that’s normal.
(And)
Me, looking at a dog: Aw, look at its little nose! It’s so wet 🥰
A different coworker: yeah, that’s means it’s healthy.
(And)
Me, petting a dog: Wow, it’s so fluffy!
Another coworker: That’s normal.
~~~
This confuses me because, again, obviously!!! They assume I don’t know basic things & thus feel the need to correct me for the most nonsensical things.
& it’s not just with coworkers.
Me: I wanted to show you this road, it’s so beautiful during this time of day!
My friend: Yeah, I know this road already. (Not in the “ikr!” Kind of way, but the “Yeah, duh” kind of way. But we didn’t live in the area which is why I said what I said.)
~~~
It just seems like nothing I say is ever accepted by others. They always have to shut it down, correct it, or assume I’m stupid or something. Is this normal? I don’t have any friends so I have nothing to compare it to. Is what I’m saying actually dumb? Can I say anything better? I know I’m actually very smart, but I guess it doesn’t come across in the way I speak. I really don’t like it & Im worries this might be a factor getting in the way of be being able to make friends with others. If someone can see what I’m doing wrong, or has experienced something similar, I would appreciate any advice you might have.
10 comments
The first coworker you mentioned was an asshole and others were weird. You are going to meet lots of these people so don’t worry about them. Ignoring it is the best option. You are not saying anything dumb. Also, don’t worry about what you are saying and try to communicate more with people who give you positive vibes. That way your confidence will increase and insecurities will go away.
I think whenever there is an issue that occurs to us with a lot of people chances are we are the problem. Sure, we can go on and make dozens of reasons of why it’s their fault but it would not help self-introspect and grow as a person. I do not know you and you can only provide so much information in a reddit post, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
One of the reasons could be self-worthlessness, you either consciously or unconsciously like to make people feel smarter than you so that they’d either like you or not feel threatened by you. Thus, people start to also unconsciously look down on your intelligence to a ridiculous degree that they just utter the most non-sensical things like what you’ve mentioned.
If you are attractive and some of them are men then it might be because they’re trying to impress you which sometimes can get to this degrees in which they no longer see the stupidity of it all and just care about scoring brownie points. This could be easily spoted through tone, eye contact and body language.
Another reason could be you put up with shit, again worthlessness. You have no sense of boundaries and whenever someone close to you does something that affects you negatively you put up with it, to the point that they start doing crazy and odd stuff like this. Have you called them out on this stupid shit? Even jokingly? ‘WHAATT? There are other things other than gas? Fuck! I haven’t got the memo’, push back and attack it’s not sinister, it’s healthy if done right.
I think lastly is unsurprisingly worthlessness again. Healthy and sound people are either pushed back by it which only leaves the people who like to prey on you through those subtle attacks to make themselves feel better.
It’s unfortunate but there a lot of factors at play and most of them are unconscious, so if you have no self-respect people would either not like you or take advantage of it.
I do not know you, I am addressing a concept. If you happen to be one of those things then good take it as a chance and take a good look at your life, if not then hope things get better or something.
I do not think or see anything wrong in your questions. It is not the questions per say but the energy (or emotions behind them). Why do you think a comedian can say shit on a stage and people laugh where as someone else gets on the stage, people act differently? Lighten up, feel and own what you say to others and if they react differently engage them if you like to else say meh, time to move on (in another word stop overthinking / head talks). The small talks are generally to engage and gauge people i.e. with coworkers or random people we meet — again lighten up. For example;
My coworker: Well some people have bigger things than gas.
You: Ah, sure, for some people but for me tonight is the gas. (say things spontaneously and own it. If others don’t like it, let them figure it out)
Be genuine and own whatever you are saying.
Stay blessed!
You can’t control how people react to you. It’s a product of their experience in life. People all have insecurities they may be blind of.
Fuck them, they sound really monotonous and jaded! Perhaps because they themselves have some issues brewing. There’s nothing wrong with any of the remarks you made. It’s them.
By what your showing here your doing nothing wrong.
From what you’re showing here, everybody around you is an asshole.
There’s nothing wrong with anything you said. That sounds like normal small talk. Most workplaces have their own culture. Maybe your coworkers are just know-it-alls or not especially welcoming to newcomers. I’m not sure about your friend. Maybe they were feeling grumpy that day?
It sounds like the people you are with are kind of bummers. It’s weird that you seem to have found a cluster of them, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much, and maybe seek to move on sooner rather than later.
Omg, people do this to me A LOT. Makes me feel like I’m stupid and nobody likes me. I’m also socially awkward so I always feel like it’s something I’m doing wrong. It’s frustrating because making conversation is already so nerve racking and difficult; I don’t need to be corrected and shut down constantly over simple small talk. I wish there was a way I could make it stop, because it can’t just be that everyone is an asshole and there’s nothing we can do about it right? That’s what the consensus seems to be in the comments (which I actually appreciate because it’s validating, but still)
You’re being enthusiastic. You won’t meet many people in life who are enthusiastic about their jobs or a dog. I personally think there’s nothing wrong with your behaviour and that others are just jaded.