Me (24F) really struggle with hinting about sex without straight up asking him (25M) I’ve tried to dress up in lingerie and outfits, asking him to join me in the shower when he gets home. Is there anything else I can try. I really want him to want me and get fired up for it. Any male input would be a massive help.
EDIT: I just want to know how to make more obvious hints or work up a male not that I need to straight up ask. That’s not what I’ve said in the post
34 comments
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Why not just ask? Wife and I use the term “Fun Time?” Sometimes I’ll lean in grab a kiss, fondle a boob and whisper “fun time?” Into her ear then slowly walk into the bedroom.
Have a talk with him and let him know you want to be pursued for sex and how often you want it if you always want him to do the initiating.
Maybe the two of you need to agree on a signal or code phrase that will explicitly mean you want to have sex, if you don’t feel comfortable just asking for it.
Don’t ask, initiate.
Instead of “Hey babe… wanna have sex?”, go up to him and start unzipping his pants and whisper “I’m about to fuck the shit outta you.” in his ear.
Unzip pants, reach in. Complete
My wife will send hot snaps or texts when she is in the mood. Love it!
I find inner thigh touching or petting myself is a pretty good hit. Works for me.
Cant you just be super touchy feely and kiss him or something. You could say something like ”I’m in the mood” or ”i’m so horny right now” without directly asking him
Flashing arrows on your stomach leading to your genitals and wave a couple of flags encouraging them to approach like an aircraft marshall…the guys sounds oblivious so I think you need to send a stronger signal.
Have you considered he gets the hint but doesn’t want to have sex with you as often as you want to have sex with him? Different libidos
What if – and hear me out – what if you straight up asked for it?
man this was just asked last night. and the day before i think. Ladies. stop trying to be subtle. stop trying to drop little hints. Just tell the man you want dick and get it, stop beating around the bush and let him beat yours
Have you read ‘come as you are’ by Emily Nagoski? I don’t see that recommended here, although it is mentioned in r/sex at least once a day. It’s written primarily for women I believe, but applies to men, too. And it addresses situations like this, when the woman has the higher sex ‘drive.’ I’ve read this and loved it.
Touching him? Kiss on his neck, play with his dick? If none of this works + what u have tried, it never will. U will consistently have to ask. Side note does he ever initiate?
We live in a world where if a man doesn’t get verbal consent he goes to prison. You can’t do a lifetime of “is this okay” then flip the switch to “hands on with no words.” Cause that’s called rape in today’s Society.
Why are you hinting….
Just say you want to have sex..
Are all of these initiations happening when he gets home from work? This may or may not be the case but for me, when I get home from work, I want like a good 20 minutes just to chill and finish switching off my work-brain. Depending on the kind of work he does, he may just not feel sexy when he gets home. He may want to shower alone to clean up physically or just to clear his mind.
If that is the case, try initiating in the morning, or after he’s settled in a bit after work. If you wake up earlier than he does, wake him up by gently stroking him and kissing his neck. If he gets home from work and just wants to shower before doing anything, strip down while he’s in there, get into bed under a blanket and invite him to join you under there when he comes in to get dressed.
Or maybe he’s just got more of a submissive side? This kind of thing should probably be discussed beforehand but it could be that he’d rather have you be more direct, lay him down and sit on his face, or tell him he’s not allowed to do anything until after you’ve let him cum.
Really though, it sounds like you two will need to take a minute to just sit down and talk about your sex life. It sounds like you may have mid-matched libidos, or something else in his life has gotten him stressed and distracted, in turn keeping sex off of his mind. My partner and I had a bit of a dry spell earlier this year, money was tight for a bit and I was stressed about it constantly, I didn’t even realize it had been 2 weeks since we had sex until she brought it up.
**TLDR** it sounds like you’re doing everything right so far, it may just be time to talk about it.
Is there a particular reason you don’t want to ask? Especially since hinting doesn’t seem to work. If you are uncomfortable straight up asking, then I’m also curious as to why?
I hate to be negative… But, unless he is completely dumb he knows what you walking around in lingerie and asking to take a shower means.
He likely is not interested for 1,000 different reasons. You need to talk to him. I could be wrong though and he is THAT dumb.
Next time try to straight up say “I want you to fuck me”. Then you will know if I am right or wrong. Then ask him why he wont fuck you and work from there.
Whisper in his ear “if u don’t f*ck this pussy ill be dripping all night…”
My wife grabs my crotch and says “Im randy”
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i of course respond “Hi randy, Im dad!”
If you keep up the effort to maintain things like you are then you should be fine. My ex partner use to ask exactly that, “Wanna have sex?” Was the least motivating way to engage things.
Why do women think hinting works?
Last 20 years men have been told to curb your enthusiasm & only operate on a sure thing, now women want to be mysterious & indirect.
Mixed messages make for confusing times, the culture the way it is, if you want a guaranteed winner, stuck your hand on his cock & smile at him, unless he’s not interested you can’t lose there.
Honestly, screw the “sex needs to be this hit steamy affair from the get go with just a flutter of my eyelashes”. Screw it. Get that out of your head. You know what ends up happening? This 👏 exact 👏 thing 👏. I hate Hollywood and porn made sex this mystical thing that can happen on a hair trigger bc you bent your knee at a 45 degree angle.
I used to be like you. Id get dressed up. Id join my SO on the shower. Id do all sorts of naughty things. Sometimes i got results. Most times i got shut down. I like to think i have decent self esteem, but the constant me putting in effort, hyping it up in my mind, getting myself ready (inadvertently not taking my partners feelings into account) just to be shut down over and over again KILLED my self esteem. I knew there was a problem when i got turned down and then started crying. Thats not normal and its not ok. And yes, we talked and talked but to be frank it wasnt a post-event communication issue it was a me putting expectations on plans that were never actually asked if they were happening. Tbf, looking back, i was being very self involved and putting unrealistic expectations on my partner.
You know what fixed all this? Asking ahead of time. Just a quick “Hey, you think youll be down to do the horizontal tango later today/after work?”. I still do spontaneous things but much less frequently and only after i know hes not had a hard day at work.
To phrase it this way, how much would you appreciate someone showing up, unannounced, to your home and saying “GIRLS NIGHT OUUUTTTTT GET YOUR CLUBBIN SHOES ON” after you had a long, hard day at work. Or didnt sleep well the night before. Or youre just not in the mood? You might be able to push through a few times and legitimately have fun but after awhile you just cant.
No, asking straight isnt “sexy” but tbf if you require that then reevaluate. Its just unrealistic. Im not trying to be rude, ive just seen some way shape or form of this Q several times this week
Just ask!
I’m weird but I like the straight forwardness. A “come fuck me” gets me going.
Ummm. What??!!! You dress up in lingerie or ask him to shower with you and he doesn’t get it?
Something is off with this scenario.
He may be into porn too much.
You shouldn’t have to initiate shit. If you are physically intimate/attracted to each other then it should come naturally. Start using your vibrator every day, use it when you need to. Don’t even say anything to him, JUST GO DO IT. When you charge it, leave it in plain sight for him to see. If he doesn’t inquire like, “hey babe why are you using a vibrator instead of just asking me for sex?” You may have an issue. If he does ask, tell him you don’t feel like he ever wants sex anymore, and that you always initiate. Stop initiating. He’ll either ask you about it, won’t ask, maybe catch you doing it and join, or maybe he’ll get self conscious and think he isn’t pleasing you enough (which in turn may make him initiate).
Another suggestion is to tell him you really want to try some kinky shit if you have the vibe that he’s getting bored in the bedroom. Like bondage stuff. Go to the sex shop together and pick out things. Let him choose the outfits.
I mean if I see my gf in lingerie I already know what’s up. If she asks me into the shower? I know what’s up. Seems like your hints are pretty obvious. Maybe he just isn’t always in the mood when you do those things? Or he is just clueless. Either way I agree with the other posts about being more aggressive. My gf will sometimes text the morning before I come over her house so like right as I’m driving to work, she will text saying “I’m gonna need you to fuck the shit out of me later”
I think comments telling OP to initiate sex are off base a little. Yes, initiating sex when you want it is good and healthy.
But it seems like OP is asking for advice on how to get her partner worked up—overcome with desire—until he ravages her. That’s a different thing.
The boring answer is tell him outside of sex. “Hey, you know I’ve been dropping hints that I’m dying for you to fuck me.” You can ask. “Hey, what can I do to that would drive you wild?” You can arrange an explicit tell. “When I wear [this item, this t shirt, this color, this lipstick] it means I desperately need you inside of me.”
Sometimes subtlety just doesn’t work. But if you lay the boring ground work it opens explicit opportunities for more fun closer to what you want.
You need to have a conversation about this outside of the bedroom. This really sounds like something is going on with him or there is sexual incompatibility issue. Sexual incompatibility could be an acute issue but it could be something that has persisted a long time. If it’s been a long time you need to talk. If there is resistance to talking about the issue and sex is important you need to communicate your needs. It won’t change dancing around this issue. If you don’t talk about it you will be unhappy and there is no point staying unhappy in a relationship ever. Don’t fall for the sunken cost fallacy just because you’ve been together 4 years. Do you really want this for the rest of your life?
How about telling him what turns you on ABOUT HIM. I think it is very easy for us to forget that we need to make our partner feel like they are the object of our desire. Rather than saying “I’m horny”, how about “it really turns me on when you do x” or “ive been thinking about y thing about you all day” now he isn’t just a prop satisfying YOUR need but the actual cause of your excitement.
When my wife wants to get laid, her clothes come off. Not very subtle but very hard to misinterpret.
“Look! I want you to want to hold me down, fuck my brains out and fill me full of your cum! And I want this feeling and attraction all the time because I’m crazy about you! Do you understand my desire for you and my needs? Also could you take the trash out?”