I don’t know exactly why I’m like this but if I were to guess Is so I’m not in a vulnerable position. I don’t like people knowing how I feel , only emotion I’m ok with people even knowing Is anger. Even tho that is still a vulnerable emotion. I noticed once I got close to some people they were the type to always make jokes . They were really never the soft kind of jokes it always a joke that would make someone insecure . People at school,work did it to me , even managers. The more they got comfortable talking to me the more they let come out of their mouth. Sometimes it’s hard to avoid people and speaking to them . It’s exhausting thinking like this and putting up a wall . I’ve had many experiences where people in groups made me the butt of the joke . So I keep to myself a lot of the time. I feel like it’s stupid to train people how to treat you , I just don’t understand why people don’t have the self awareness to understand what they’re doing isn’t right. I try to keep conversations surface level because I don’t want to be rude , but eventually people want to get to know you. I don’t stay quiet and defend myself , I just don’t understand why people can’t take me serious when I start to let them know who I am . I sometimes I feel like I’m alone and can’t share my feelings. What do I even do ? it’s been like this almost my whole life , until now where I put up a wall people treat me normal .