want to leave but don’t..

I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

He’s usually good if I’m in a good mood and if I am productive etc. (If he notices those things) But I’m dealing with possible postpartum depression and have adhd which causes other problems and exacerbates things. His lack of empathy is overwhelming. He literally gets mad at me for feeling down. And I am trying my hardest. He is very entitled bc he “works” more hours than me (he works from home and it’s pretty lenient). I work about 18 hours a week and I’m expected to watch the baby at the same time. And of course he’s so tired after work that he hardly watches the baby. We also have a school aged child. Not saying he does nothing but there’s entitlement there in that he expects me to do it all. And I get an attitude for wanting a break. He gets at least a half hour after work and stays up until at least 2am. Today I didn’t see him until 12:30pm while I was up at 8am. This is normal for weekends. Sometimes it’s closer to 2pm. And he gets upset at me that by the time I see him I am feeling overwhelmed, upset, and mad he slept in. (Or hid out on his phone?) He doesn’t think about how that’s not cool or to even pretend to apologize, all he is thinking about is “she’s mad so that means she’s a meanie.” I try to be patient but then I just feel like I’m getting walked over.

He had no desire to make plans to do fun stuff with us. I suggest things and get attitude bc “it’s the weekend and i worked all week so i just want to chill.” Which in practice translates to him watching TV or playing video games in a separate room from me and the kids. And you might think he doesn’t wanna hang out with me if I’m such a nag. But honestly I am such a product of my environment. Idk if that’s the right phrase for it. But ya know, when I’m in a place where you’re meant to have a good time, or with friends or family who are happy to see me, I am at my best and have a good time. And I say this as an introvert!

It’s supposed to be his one job to do dishes but I’ve been doing them. He did thank me one time. But the sink is full and we have no cups or silverware and he still hasn’t done them. Another example of him being selfish. He doesn’t think about the other people who will need dishes.

He also gives me attitude for asking to eat dinner together as a family. Like I’m rude to take him away from his TV show or whatever. I mean, which one is rude in that situation? I feel like I’m being gaslit with this kind of stuff.

Ugh I’m just so overwhelmed and TIRED that I can’t even think straight to express everything 😪 Hopefully that was enough.

Like, I’m just so fed up that I want to leave. He has no appreciation for me and looks at me like I’m trash. I want to put in the work to fix things but right now I just have the urge to run away. I am not trying to run away from my kids though, or kidnap them. So I really don’t know what to do! I want him to have a wake up call! Not just me leaving with the kids for a few hours and him actually being happy about it bc that means he can do his own thing uninterrupted. Bc I have done that even without being mad at him. Has he left the house with them to give me a break? No way.

Also if I was to leave for longer, I know he’d just have his grandma come over to clean and do laundry. Which is another example of his entitlement.

Ok anyway, what would you do in my shoes? Thanks for your time. ❤️