Ever since I was kid i’ve struggled with controlling my emotions. They’ve cost me a lot of opportunities throughout my life. Its been difficult maintaining relationships as i’ve turned to isolation to cope with it. That in-turn has backfired as I got older since I have responsibilities to work for a living and be out more. People always tell me to get professional help. I was able to when I was on medicaid. That expired when I turned 18 so I’ve been trying to deal with it myself.
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A way of dealing with that is disconnecting from this stressful reality for a bit , meditate , and while meditating you can think of positive stuff like a plan to achieve your goals. If you don’t pay attention to the bad things , then the hopelessness will go away.
On a macro scale, view success as the line on a stock that’s rising, not a linear graph. There will be an ebb and a flow, and you’ll be in a great place some days and a worse one others. Just like that stock you’re watching, judge your success by how you are compared to months and years ago, not the other week.
And on a more micro scale, don’t underestimate small victories. A single step forward is more than standing still. I have ADHD, so I deal with rejection sensitive dysphoria and also feel my emotions really strongly. Nowadays, I still slip and get really down when I feel rejected or say things I regret when my emotions flare. But I also take a few seconds to speak before I think way more than I did a year ago, and don’t cry and get sappy anymore when I’m drunk. I still have a lot to work on, but the minor victories are things to celebrate and keep me motivated.
Finally, don’t regret missed opportunities; as humans we’re not all knowing and have no idea where something that seemed like a great opportunity could’ve led to…Nor do we know when things that seem like shitty situations in the present lead to the greatest possible things down the road. For all you know, a missed job opportunity could’ve lead to a fatal car crash on your first day of work. Or that girl you ruined a date with could’ve been hiding abusive tendencies down the road (dark, but hey, I’ve been there). So don’t dwell on unchangeable regrets, and just do what’s best for you in the present and try your best – that’s all any of us can do.
But if you want some practical advice, as cliche as it sounds, there’s a sliding scale of small things you can do to start to fight the hopelessness. Make your bed in the morning and take a shower. Go on a run and start working out. Eat a healthy meal instead of fast food. Text a friend you haven’t talked to in a while and say “hey”. If you’re into games, try Dark Souls or Elden Ring. Armchair psychology ahead, but overcoming even small challenges and doing these things can really help with a feeling of self efficacy and combat the hopelessness you feel. And as a bonus, working out will have you in a great physical and mental space and help you channel your emotions into something productive.
Ultimately a psychologist or psychiatrist knows best when it comes to this stuff, but hopefully this advice helps!
Sorry for you. You need help and lots of it. Real help is hard to find and expensive.
For me, I found help in studying stoicism and Marcus Aurelius. Honestly, not everyone’s cup of tea. Give it a go.
An insight I learnt was to seek contentment over happiness. Research and try it.
I’ve come to believe that there is no hope for humanity. But more recently, I’ve realised that this is freeing because the masses were always in my way, and now there is no metaphorical anchor chained to my neck