Gents and Dudes, what’s your “insane thing that actually happened” story?

12 comments

1. I was at a party once and this girl started talking to me. She was really cute so I decided to talk to her more. We ended up making out and things were getting pretty heated when all of a sudden she just stopped and said “I have to go to the bathroom.” I was kind of confused but I figured she just needed a break. She came back a few minutes later and we started making out again. But then she stopped me again and said “I’m sorry, but I have to go to the bathroom again.” This time I was starting to get suspicious, so I followed her into the bathroom. And that’s when I saw her taking a dump in the toilet. I was so disgusted that I ran out of there and never talked to her again.

2. When I was home alone with my younger cousins at the age of like 9, I put out a house fire and was, like a hero.

   Now, there was evidence of the fire so my aunt believed it happened. The part she didn’t believe is that she thought I set the fire. I learned this very recently. I spent like two decades thinking my aunt saw me as the hero I am and she apparently thought I almost burned her house down. It’s only during this revelation that her son admitted that he lit the fire while playing with matches.

3. i once snuck into an ATP tennis tournament by posing as a player

4. A labor who worked for me lit himself on fire with a jackhammer

5. Few months back while riding my bike I had a near death experience. There was a turn ahead and I didn’t slow down so i was thrown out off my bike. My friend who was behind me said that I flipped in the air. The spot I fell had a bunch of tree branches. I was wearing a helmet and a backpack, so luckily I was saved from the fall by the helmet and backpack. Even my bike was not damaged. I didn’t even have a scratch. The fact that I didn’t even have a scratch sacred the shit out of me.

6. Saw a rainbow at night. Had a brief shower pass through and the moon was full. So a blooming rainbow at night could be seen.

7. I got really drunk my sophomore year of college. Like, medically dangerously drunk.

   Last thing I remember is chugging some vodka from the handle at a birthday party.

   Next thing I know, I’m walking down the street with a girl I don’t know.

   After a couple awkward moments, I flat out ask her “who are you?”

   She had found me passed out on a snowbank (February in Ohio) and woke me up to take me back to my apartment.

   At the time I was mortified. I’d never been more embarrassed in my life. I thanked her profusely and said I could manage, but she refused to let me walk alone and took me all the way back to my place.

   I tried looking her up on Facebook, but in my haze all I could remember was dark hair and some kind of totally basic girl name like Ashley or something. Never did identify her to give her a sober thanks.

   Didn’t really dawn on me till later that I was truly in some serious danger and she very likely saved me from pneumonia/hypothermia if not death.

8. I think a 50 year old woman last month tried seducing me in her bed

   I ordered KFC from deliveroo app for me and my little bro and it got ordered to thi 50 year old woman’s house (who I’ve known since I was a teenager). So I got angry, demanded a refund and got it and then messaged the woman telling her that my KFC was accidentally ordered to hers and if I could go around and get it

   She rang me back telling me that she just got home from work and saw my KFC and gave me permission to come round and get it. When I got there, I knocked on the door and she answered the door with nothing by a towel on. I thought she was just about to get in the shower so I apologised and went to grab my KFC and go and she told me that she wants to catch up first as she hasent seen me in a while and asked for a hug. I gave her hug and then she went straight for a kiss on my cheek but it was close to my lips….. I thought she was just being friendly so I walked off with my KFC and then I started thinking about it and thought she tried luring me inside her house.

   Take note that this woman has flirted with me at work a lot and once came into the shop I work in and said “Hey sexy” out loud when she saw me. My best friend also told me she used to come in the shop and ask where I was and mention to him how handsome she thinks I am when he use to work with me

   So looking back. I think she ws trying something with me. Lol

   Oh, I also got a refund. So I ended up having KFC for free. Just wish I went along with it and also got lucky because this woman is attractive too. But I just thought she was being friendly until I started thinking about it all

9. I had a Feminist assault me in a book store because I made a shitty jab at her recommendations.

   It sounds like a skit, nobody saw it, but it happened.

10. When I was 23, a woman who was 33 approached me at work and invited me to the party she was throwing that night. I couldn’t make it but we hung out later on and she straight up seduced me. She was an aerobics instructor and ridiculously out of my league. I’ve told friends before and could never get them to believe me. Frankly, I don’t blame them.

11. Well, I have to wait for statute of limitations on a few of my stories. But one from high school is that a girl asked me out without telling me she already had a boyfriend. That part sounds alright, buy the fucked up part is that he actually ran into us during our date. He didn’t approach us though. He followed us around and basically stalked us. All the way until we went back to my house. Then the guy pulled a fucking knife and charged me. Before I could realize what the fuck was going on, he put the knife in my shoulder.

    Now, at that point I realized “oh fuck. He’s trying to kill me” and I started to fight back. I beat the fucking brakes off this kid. You know how in movies, they grab a guy by the front of his shirt and just start beating them across the face? It was basically that. But with a knife stuck in my shoulder and mass amounts of adrenaline blocking out the pain. After probably 7 or 8 punches, I finally threw the kid away from me and he took off running.

    Now, my first instinct was to make sure she was alright. But then I realized she was yelling at the guy and seemed to know who he was. So, my next immediate response was obviously to ask her “who the fuck was that?” And that’s when she told me the truth. Then she tried to start treating my wounds, and tried to be sweet to me, like she wasn’t the cause of it. I told her to get lost, slammed the door in her face, and had my sister stitch me up instead. I never so much as talked to her again.

    The guy went to a different school, so I never had to deal with him again either, thankfully.

12. Ive been mistaken for Quentin Tarantino (once in a club, someone asked for my Autograph) and another many years later.