I’ve been here for about 3 weeks or so and haven’t made any close friends yet and just wanted to know if that was normal. I’m pretty friendly with my roommates, and I’ve hung out with a couple people to go downtown or to the beach, but I feel like I’m just tagging along at the outskirts of already established friend groups. Plus, the people that I’ve hung out with aren’t really people that I want to be friends with: they’re nice people but our interests don’t really align(they’re all stoners and I don’t want to just smoke every day). I’ve gone to a few to clubs(all the asian clubs on campus, grappling club), gone to parties, even went to a few frat events. I was able to be social there, but the most that’s happened is I just talk to them for a bit and we exchange socials. I don’t know how to go from here, whether I’m doing something wrong or if I just haven’t found the right people yet. I missed out on the highschool experience by being antisocial the first 2 years, and my worst fear is the same happening in college. Any advice/reassurance helps. Thanks!
4 comments
Personally, I think the odds of you making “close friends” in three weeks is low, unless you really hit it off with your roommate. So, please keep trying. You really need to spend a significant time with people to become close to them.
I understand it is disappointing not to have any prospects yet. It takes time to meet people in clubs sometimes, and you might have to force yourself to go, but it could be worth it. Maybe try some more of the general clubs too.
I used to be a member of a club that planned dances for the school and hired entertainment for the commons. I hated it at first, but that was where I met most of my friends because I forced myself to keep going. Just don’t give up.
A lot of people that went away to school seem to be writing with this issue, so a lot of people are still looking for friends. Three weeks isn’t really very long. If you feel being antisocial was the problem then just do anything, but that. Use all the skills you learned the last two years of high school. Talk to people even if you don’t hit it off, and be open to invitations or even suggesting things to do. Good luck!
Hey, your situation resembles what I was going through a lot when I was in college. It’s okay that you’re feeling lonely and lost, you just moved to a whole new place and left all your friends and family that you’ve cultivated relationships with for the past 18 years of your life. While it is pretty much standard in our society to move away for college when you think about it it’s totally a weird concept and you may not have fully registered this. I feel like you really want the college experience just like I did – this includes making the perfect friend group. For me this meant finding the perfect people who matched my interests exactly and resembled my friends back home who I was used to. The truth is that relationships come in all shapes and sizes in college. You can have friends that you play basketball with at the rec, you can have an acquaintance that you study with for 2 semesters and never see again, you can have a relationship with your roommate but not necessarily be best friends but still eat dinner and have nice banter with. Keep an open mind. You won’t click with everyone perfectly and that’s okay, you don’t have to. Lots of the people you meet in college are just going to be temporary people in your life that you have some experiences with and it’s honestly amazing. Remember too that you are in college primarily to focus on your studies, work/internships that relate to your future, and research if you’re into that.
What to do specifically after having exchanged socials with people you think you might wann hang out with? Shoot them a message and simply say “Hey man let’s go grab a beer on Friday?”
One thing I’ve seen in a lot of people is that they wait for others to come to them and are a surprised pikachu when the others are doing the same.
same for me, i’m very much still grasping the people around me and trying to know them, even though the preliminary exams have already passed. I’ve eaten out with some of my classmates but they don’t rlly seem to be the friend group i want to be in since they don’t we don’t have common interests and i felt like i’m just inviting myself inside their group. I’m still trying to know the people so it’s ok if you still don’t have friends yet!!! Ur on the right path since ur putting the effort and you’d find ur ppl eventually