My boyfriend (20m) and I (20f) have been together for a over a year. In the very beginning of our relationship my boyfriend committed a form of cheating. I do not want to get into details and I don’t want opinions on my decision then to stay or people bashing my boyfriend, please. That isn’t our problem right now. He was struggling greatly with mental health issues. He realized his mistake, was honest, got help, and did a total life turn around. He is now the best boyfriend. He’s never slipped up since and has bettered himself completely. I have full trust in him now. The problem is both of us still have struggles from it. We love each other and are completely dedicated to each other and willing to do whatever it takes to move forward from this together. We just are overwhelmed with how to. I recently found out more information about the original cheating that made it feel fresh again which is why it’s getting brought up again after so long. We are both young but know this is what we want. He’s willing to do whatever he has to for me to be able to heal. Can anyone give us advice on how to heal? How to move forward and forgive? How I can deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety about it?
TL/DR: bf cheated early in relationship, told me, we moved on together, but I still had occasional struggles with it. New info came to light making it feel fresh. We’re both dedicated to healing. Advice needed on how to do that.
3 comments
The best method? Therapy.
I will say though that I don’t typically have much hope for new relationships that have cheating.
Honey, you’re young, there’s a billion people out there. I know you don’t want to hear it but you’re ignoring your own very valid instincts that this man can’t be trusted. He hurt you right in what should have been a honeymoon phase.
It really depends on what happened? If he texted inappropriately, he has phone transparency with you. If you trust him completely now, self-talk is in order: “I trust him and I’m not gonna think about this anymore. I’m going to go do x” and then do something that interrupts your thought process. No allowing yourself to wallow in this, for your own sake. You can’t worry the past into not have having happened, so you’re expending emotional energy there instead of going with what you know of now, and enjoying it. Forgiveness is really a choice, it doesn’t just happen? So choosing that for yourself is part of moving forward — no rehashing this after x amount of time passes (sounds like you’ve had a shock again), talking to a therapist for your anxiety/intrusive thoughts. He is getting care for whatever mental health issue caused the crisis, and is dedicated to understanding his warning signs and taking immediate action if he starts feeling them again. Good luck, OP