I have this friend I have known for some time. She’s the wife of my husband’s friend. Her behaviors have always been so hot and cold with me that it messes with my head sometimes. One minute she’s friendly with me and acting like she cares about me as a friend, then the next minute she’s ignoring me at gatherings or ignoring my texts.
We recently got together for her birthday. My other friend and I took her out for a nice dinner and paid for her dessert. Seemed to have a great time. I even got her a nice gift for her birthday. That night I posted a sweet message about her with our pictures from the night. She didn’t acknowledge any of the posts not did she say anything about the gift. Its just so bizarre. I don’t know why she acts like we’re really close one minute and then the next minute she ignores me or doesn’t acknowledge me. Any thoughts?
1 comment
Mixed signals are not great signals. I’d say she acts friendly when it’s convenient for her, but does not consider you a close friend. (So I wouldn’t necessarily expect a gift on your birthday, or at least not a nice one.)
Since she’s a friend of your husband’s friend, and with another friend of yours, apparently, it’s likely she’ll be an ongoing part of your social circle, at least in some way. So I think you should mentally downgrade her to “casual friend” or “strong acquaintance” and go from there.
What this looks like is being friendly with her when you see her, but with your ACTIONS being a bit more reserved. By that I mean not mentioning her in social media (unless she puts something out there that you can respond to), not necessarily inviting her to anything unless it’s a group thing, like maybe with the other friend. Texting her only occasionally, or in response if she texts first.
In other words, if this is to be a closer friendship, it’s ON HER to make that move. You’ve already gone above and beyond the call of duty (the nice gift, the nice post), and now the ball’s in her court. (And there’s nothing wrong with what you did, but her lukewarm response leaves me wondering about her sincerity vis a vis friendship with you.)
So don’t be cold, don’t be upset, just be CAUTIOUS. She’s gonna be around one way or the other, so that warrants FRIENDLINESS (especially in person). Just don’t go “all in” emotionally.
Good luck!